I am...

Conflict and contrast...

I am a long white form-fitted wedding dress with six inch clear and white stripper heels underneath. Okay, in my defense - I didn't have the time to get the dress hemmed and that seemed like the logical solution.

I'm black lace with thigh high boots on satin.

I'm red silk with long sharp garnet nails and a line of blood.

I'm the girl with the gold cross necklace that welcomes you to Hell.

I'm the quiet female at the conference table that all the men assume is the secretary until it's decision making time and I'm the one that dictates the terms of the contract.

I'm the girl next door in tight jeans, white t-shirt and her hair up in a ponytail who can deliver the worst ego-killing remark in six words or less to take you down a notch if you get out of hand.

I'm the one in the velvet garnet gown with a slit up to the thigh, dripping in diamonds who leans in close to whisper the most base sexually raw comment you can think of and then walks away without so much as a glance backwards or a second thought.

I'm the girl in the light brown mink stoll or black rabbit fur coat that can hang out with the construction guys and handle their talk.

I'm the woman in a man's button down dress shirt and sequence g-string curled up in a papasan chair reading a medical book or something from a law library.

I'm the one in the navy blue pantsuit that can be found sitting Indian style on the floor beating you at a video game.

I'm the girl in the Vinny Testaverde jersey with her hair pinned up making bets with the household that the Jet's will win even though they're down 30-7 in what turned out to be the "Monday Night Miracle" game since they came back 40-37 in the 4th quarter - yes, the one with the smug look on her face collecting on said bet.

I'm the girl who literally bet God on the Packer's game when Brett Favre passed to Antonio Freeman in what can only be described as the best play in NFL history - and forced someone to become a believer; in my will and God.

I'm a girl who should never be asked to play fantasy football because I will yell at the TV and threaten to write hate mail to the players and request to speak to their mothers. I have no idea why anyone would think it was a good idea to involve me. Too competitive.

I am the almond shaped army green eyes with long lashes that will stare you down without so much as a blink if you utter the wrong words.

I'm the silence that makes you question whether I'm going to roll over and ignore you - or set your house on fire.

I am the appearance of respectability and dignity, rules and regulations, strictness and severity on the outside - while my insides give refuge to what feels like a large cat pacing back and forth endlessly in a cage that wants nothing more than to break free.

I am predator and prey.

I am an opportunist of the highest order who will figure out your needs - and then become them.

I'm the girl with diet coke in a crystal glass.

I'm the female with, literally, the award winning garden - filled with the most deadly poisonous plants and flowers I can find.

I'm the sharp look that can stop what you're saying in mid-sentence.

I am a charitable sinner forever looking for an absolution that will never come.

I am obsession perfume, fierce loyalty and uncompromisingly protective - while maintaining the air of mild indifference.

I am flawed.

I am the heart-broken girl who bounces back with a faith that refuses to be killed and renewed hope - time and time again.

I am the source of power that turns the man who catches and keeps my attention into a King.

I'm the girl with the unmatched memory and painstaking attention to detail.

I'm the force of nature that can shake up your world like a snow globe.

I'm the type of girl, that if I believe in you - you'll never need another supporter.

I'm the girl in the pink lip gloss with a shine that can tell you about the viruses and germs that can liquefy you from the inside out.

I am the monotone voice that tells you when it's over after you ignore the repeated warnings.

I am the girl that refuses to feel like a victim.

I'm the one in the long leather jacket, dress pants, sweater and stiletto heels walking down the middle of the street at 4am just to enjoy the serenity and avoid the population.

I'm the one capable of organizing a cult, being a prison guard, leading an army, starting a war - and yet is still not comfortable with compliments.

I'm the woman who is as at ease standing in the middle of any Roman Catholic Church - as I am standing in the middle of a S&M Dungeon in San Pedro, CA.

I am the old-fashioned thinking female that expects men to be men and the main providers and protectors - that will do just about anything that comes to mind to con you into taking the day off work.

I am temptation.

I'm the girl who works on her own timetable and not a thing in this world can change that - ever.

I am the slow and steady climb to seemingly impossible heights that I can envision with ease.

If I'm not the one that gave you what feels like a blood-sucking chest wound - I'm the one to call if you have one.

I'm the one that will sit there for hours on end listening and taking notes and paying full attention to every dream, aspiration and want you have - and try to figure out how to be instrumental in making each happen.

I'm the girl who thinks that peppy morning people should be dragged down the street under a bus - and has no issue informing anyone of this.

I'm the girl who would rather die than witness you suffering an ounce of pain if you treat me fairly.

I'm the girl who won't think twice about destroying you if you don't treat me fairly.

I'm the girl that understands God's laws and man's laws - and yet only lives by her own laws - and who would be completely devastated if she broke one of her own.

I'm the girl with internal and external scars and each of them represents a lesson learned.

I'm the woman who will tell you in no uncertain terms that you're fucking up.

I'm the girl who will size up an entire room within ten minutes and by the end of the night, know everyone's life story, their strengths and their weaknesses.

I'm the type of girl who never bets or bluffs anything I'm not willing to lose - but make no mistake about it, I play to win and I play for keeps.

I'm the girl that's been disappointed countless times and yet still won't give up.

I'm the girl that will surgically remove you from my heart along with all the emotions when things are over - in order to continue to love you forever in my head.

I'm the girl a 34 year criminal attorney veteran calls a shark when we work on a case together.

I'm the girl with the deep dark brown hair that cascades to her hips that causes strangers to stop and comment.

I am the girl that's insecure about how I look if I take the time to think about it.

I am the girl who will suffer in silence until I can figure out a way to forgive you for something you've done, in order to still keep you in my life - if I can. If I can't, I walk - and I never look back.

I'm the girl that won't accept a thing from you unless I'm willing to give in return.

I'm the girl who isn't out to change you or give you ultimatums - but rather the one that sits on the sideline and observes to see if you'll fit into my life well or not.

I'm the girl who can spot a womanizer a mile away.

I'm also the girl that can toy with a womanizer like it's a sport and then walk away clean and unscathed - not that he will.

I am poetic justice.

I'm the girl that worships ambition.

I'm the girl that will take care of you when you're sick, still love you when you piss me off and stand by your side when things are at their worst - because it's all part of it.

I'm the woman who will stand there, suck it up and take it if I've wronged someone unintentionally - just be damned sure I did what you're accusing me of.

I'm the kind of girl who can ruin porn for anyone - because I narrate and it makes me laugh.

I'm the kind of girl who will spend 100 hours considering a prospect and make it appear like it's a snap decision the next time I talk to you.

I'm the kind of girl who's fragile at the core, if I let you in - but never discount that I have a spine made of a material harder than steel.

I am no ones doormat.

I am a control freak who will only give up control if someone else can do an equal or better job than me - the second you can't, I'm the default setting.

Crisis doesn't phase me.

I'm impatient by nature, but have the patience of a saint if I love you.

If you betray me, you cease to exist to me - there is no coming back from that.

I'm the girl that hates Valentine's Day, but not for the obvious reasons.

I'm the girl that does her nails every three days because they should always look good.

I am waist chains and armlets and a snake for good measure.

I'm the girl who had three piercings, but is down to one left - aside from my ears.

I am smart ass remarks and sarcasm.

I'm the girl that carries the past, but doesn't get stuck in it - even if I've been thinking back on it for weeks now.

I'm the girl with the light and airy colors in the living room and a bedroom with ceiling to floor black sheers around the bed.

I'm the girl who always has at least one bathroom that features emerald green - since 1988.

I'm the girl who's been married three times and still views marriage to be a sacred thing.

I am a creature of habit.

I'm a girl with a heart condition that I never give much credit to or let it rule me or prevent me from doing any damn thing I want to do.

I'm a female who is just as content curled up on the couch with someone watching a movie - as I would be in another country out seeing everything there is to see and meeting everyone there is to meet.

I'm the woman that will meet you on a 45 minute plane ride and keep in touch with you from that day forward, for the rest of your life.

I'm a woman who routinely ignores the phone.

I'm a woman who doesn't lean on anyone and is completely blind-sided and shocked when someone offers to help.

I'm the kind of girl that thinks nothing of killing bugs, respects spiders, will clean a fireplace with acid, won't blink over any human being in the dead of night - but refuses to ignite a pilot light on a furnace or put my hand in the garbage disposal.

I'm the kind of girl that will only buy paperbacks if I can and the first thing I do is break the spine in three different places. Book abuse, I know. If it can't survive a broken spine, it has no business being in my life.

I'm the kind of girl who will take ten minutes to remove all the cooked carrots from my Chinese food because I hate them.

I'm the female that will listen to a song that moves me in some way 200 times in a row.

I'm the kind of girl who has assigned nearly everyone a song - whether they know it or not.

I'm the kind of girl who will go out of her way to win over your family.

I'm the kind of girl who will try to convert pain, hurt and disappointment to anger because that's easier for me to deal with - and I'm driven by rage.

If you purposely try to make me feel insecure - things will not go well for you.

I'm the type of girl who sees no hardship in follow thru.

I'm the kind of girl who will drop a single thought in your lap just to plant a seed and direct where I want your mind to lead you - and I do it well.

I'm the kind of girl who mixes cayenne pepper in her soup - iron stomach.

I don't relish public displays of affection - and yet, if I'm out and bored, I will spend the entire night thinking of ways to torture whomever I'm with just to test their restraint. Then I have the nerve and utter audacity to be surprised when I find myself pressed up against the side of a brick building thinking, "Okay, maybe I went one step too far"

I'm a button pusher.

I am my own worst enemy - but as long as I'm amused in some way, I'm okay with that.

I'm at my most dangerous when I'm bored.

I am exactly the kind of female who will casually send off some suggestive innuendo of a text message when I know you'll be gone for a few hours just to ensure I remain on your mind.

I never suggest anything I won't do.

I'm the kind of girl who will tan on the hood of a car.

I'm the kind of girl who has no issue making you feel like you're the center of the universe.

I'm the kind of girl who, if I let you physically close enough to me in the first place - that if you just barely run your hand over my back - you can tell me you crashed the car thru the garage, put the kids up for sale on ebay and we're bankrupt...I will respond with, "I don't care" and "We can make more that look just like them" and "So, we'll live in a box. Whatever" - until you're done. I'll flip out afterward.

I'm the girl you should keep if I ever come back to you.