free form tackling

Two days ago, I walked out into the backyard to see Grant diligently working hard on his creation. He decided to trim the tree that I've been mildly complaining about every time I see it. It grows so fast that its reach went from the patio to over the shed.

It was out of hand.

So, to make me happy, he whipped out the chainsaw and went to work. Every time he turned around and looked at me, I said, "take it back further."

"Are you sure?"
did I say it? of course I'm sure...

"Yes, I'm sure. It's making me insane. Our yard is covered in shade. I'd like to be able to grow stuff. Let that big ball of fire in the sky through!"

I got that, "I think you may be crazy, but if it'll make you happy - I'll do whatever stupid thing you want me to do" look.

I get that look often, but in the end - he'll see that I'm right.
He lopped off a good 22 feet worth of tree.

The backyard is filled with sun now and I don't have to go all the way over to the shed to lay out. It opened the entire area up and I did get my, "That was a good call; big difference" validation.

Of course, now I have wood up to my eyeballs laying in the yard because the wood chipper village guys aren't going to be here until the first week of June.

Grant started the long laborious act of cutting all that wood down to size and stacking it next to the stone fireplace and seperating the leafy branches and putting them over stuff I want to see dead so it all dries out and doesn't kill the grass that he's painstakingly been spraying with weed killer and reseeding.

Yesterday we're sitting at the table on the patio just talking and admiring his hard work while having iced tea.

Then the neighbor cames out...

This would be the other opponent in the infamous on-going Lawn Cold War of 2009.
Grant is suddenly on high alert watching his every move.

Let me just say that even though I would have no choice due to my overwhelming, "who-do-you-think-you-are?!-you-can-NOT-one-up-me!-we'll-all-die-before-I-let-you-win" sense of being - when it come down to it, I would really rather not go to war with someone like Grant.

Yes, pride is my sin.
We'd both die in a blaze of glory.

The guy starts spraying his lawn with weed killer.
I'm sitting across from him, but I can tell the tiny hairs on the back of Grant's neck are raising.

I have to all but commit suicide to not start making remarks to escalating the situation because it's so utterly amusing to me. I couldn't care less what the neighbors do.

"That son-of-a-bitch. Do you see what he's doing?!"
"The horror..."
I'm still being good...

"Oh my God, what is he doing NOW?!"
This is all too much for me, I know my limits... I have to go inside to compose myself...

Once I went through the myrid of comments in my head, I went back outside.
It wasn't over yet.

"Do you see what he has on his lawn? A GAS CHAINSAW. And all we have is this stupid ELECTRIC one!"

That's because when I bought that stupid electric one, I only had a few small things to take care of and it didn't require me to spend $200 more unnecessary dollars four years ago when I needed it. This is summarily dismissed as poor judgment.

"Great, now I have Chainsaw Envy"
I couldn't even take it.
That almost made me burst out in laughter.

"You see that, he just came out, put it on his lawn so he knew I would be sure to see it and then went back into his house"

I'm trying not to completely lose it at this point because we both are aware that he's creating something out of nothing and the guy probably doesn't have a clue what in the hell Grant is going on about and it's a one-sided war.

"That fucker. I'm just going to go over there and tackle him. That's what I'm going to do! I'm going to go over there, tackle him to the ground, sit on his chest and go, "STOP DOING SHIT TO YOUR YARD!"

...and then he's going to say to me, "Who are you?"

That was the straw that pushed me over the edge and I just started laughing uncontrollably.
Really, how funny is that?
Of course he's not going to do that, but that mental picture is hilarious.

You know what though? Today the neighbor has a sprinkler system out on his front lawn, a pile of trimmed tree at the curb and he cut his grass again.

So, the cold war might just be recognized by both parties.
And where is Grant right now?
Cutting the lawn...