one day last week waiting for the boy to come home...
Girl: Do we have to let him in?
Me: Yes.
Girl: Why? It's been nice and quiet...
Me: The law says I have to.
Girl: Why do we keep him again?
Me: Tax break.
conversation I had with my son one day...
Boy: Hey Mom - can I change my name to Bones?
Me without even looking up: No.
Boy: Man, I really thought you'd go for that too.
conversations I have with my kids when I'm out at the store...like they don't see me all damn day long...
#1)
Girl: When are you coming home?
Me: Why?
Girl: We want to know when to throw everyone out of the house.
Me: Very funny...
#2)
ring...ring...
Me: Is someone dead? Is there blood or brain matter splattered anywhere?
Boy: No.
Me: Then WHAT? I've been gone FIVE MINUTES.
Boy: Did you know that gasoline is flammable?
Me: I'm not finding you amusing..
Boy: COME ON, THAT WAS FUNNY!
Me: Is there something you want?
Boy: No.
Me: Oh my GOD - I'll be home in 10 minutes. Get off the phone!
#3)
ring...ring...
Me: Hello?
Boy: Where do you keep the alcohol again?
Me: What is wrong with you...
Boy: I'm just kidding. So, what's up?
Me: Don't you have any imaginary friends to play with or something?
#4)
ring...ring...
Me: Hello?
Boy: Is it bad when you see sparks coming out of the microwave?
Me: Seriously...
on moving out when the time comes...
Me: Two more years and then you're on your own!
Girl: You think you'll get out of it that easily? I'm going to stay with you FOREVER!
Me: Please, you'll be lucky if I give you the P.O. Box number of where I move to.
Girl: I will hunt you down! You can't escape me!
Me: DON'T MAKE ME JOIN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM!
I am retentive about seat belts...if you're in my car, you better be wearing one or else you're walking....the conversation the night when my son, for the first and only time ever, forgot to put his on...
Me: Is your seatbelt on? Have you lost your mind?!
Boy: Awww...you love me...
Me: If anything gets to kill you, it's going to be me! Don't you ever forget it again!
the boy's 16th birthday...
Me: Want your present early?
Boy: ..........Yeah!
Me: Okay, I have to go wrap it real quick.
Boy: Mom - I'm a guy, I don't care if it's wrapped. My version of wrapping Matt's present was wrapping duct tape around the bag and handing it to him.
Me: Yeah, that was WRONG.
Boy: He didn't care! He only cared what the gift was!
Me: You really don't care?
Boy: I swear to God I don't.
he turns to the male in the room... "help me, tell her"...
Male: We really don't care.
Me: FINE!
putting a rubber band around the bag it came in and tossing it to the boy...
Boy: I LOVE IT!
Me: Good. Happy Birthday.
Boy: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T WRAP IT!
Me: I swear to God I'm going to kill you...
Me: Keep it up and I'll give you back to your real mother...
Girl: Think she's rich?
This is just a small sample off the top of my head. I'll be irritated in the morning when I think of 50 other things that were funnier.
wow - that is the kind of stuff sitcom writers dream of. Now if that is fluff it is some kind of uber-fluff.
ReplyDeleteWish I had stuff like that
Oh, no.
ReplyDeleteThat's all real.
laughs...
That boy still gives me shit about not wrapping his birthday present too just because he knows it irritates me.
and he really did wrap Matt's present in duct tape around a bag and handed it to him... I was horrified... and Matt couldn't have cared less... boys...
The boy doesn't even live home anymore and he still leaves me these ridiculous voice mail messages.
Hell, just YESTERDAY we called home after going to the grocery store to tell the girl child to open the side door and she said, and I quote, "Well, how many minutes away are you?"..."Why?"..."because I need to know how much time I have to throw everyone out of the house."
She did that to Grant.
He told her 5 minutes.
She thanked him.
smirk
She has found some other target for her maniacle ways....
I knew assumed that any of them were fabricated. It is all too good to be made up.
ReplyDeleteStuff like that is some much better when it happens and even the most creative minds cannot conjure up such treasures.
I would havae told her 15 mins and gotten home in 5, opened the door and yelled "Ah-hah" then I would have had to sound dejected and added "Damm you were to fast for me"
ah the joys of life tho.... oooh I forgot someone I was talking to the other day mentioned double entendre - fodder for a new blog?
*laffin* funny stuff.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, PM - the stories I could tell you....
ReplyDelete