Capricorns - an Aries point of view

Erin did a write up trying to explain Capricorns to other people, for their own benefit. She wrote this about a year and a half ago and it was so accurate that I had to save it.

Accurate and funny - because it's all true.

Every now and then I'll still laugh about the IRS sex/taxes comment randomly. It could not be more DEAD ON!

Anyway...
I am said Capricorn.
She is said Aries.
And I have no idea who the other Aries was that she was talking to.


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So says Erin: "Anyway, I met someone today that got me going about Capricorns. It was an Aries of course. It's like peanut butter and jelly. It's like water and fish. It's like .. whatever. I SPENT a lot of damn time in 2007 trying to understand the Capricorn's DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE words. No tricks. No big words. No complicated theories. No double-talking statements for them. Just quiet little sentences. Probably 6 words or less. They just drop these MASSIVELY IMPORTANT DEADLY SERIOUS STATEMENTS AT YOUR FEET WITH ZERO CEREMONY AND LET THEM LAY THERE and EXPECT you to never forget them. Deceptive... so deceptive... if blunt and brutal honesty delivered with a steady voice can be labeled deceptive. But like I told my friend, "no one ever HEARS anything a Capricorn ever says. " And, no, I don't have ALZHEIMER'S, like that one Capricorn I love recently suggested to me .. or rather he said, "SEE? THIS IS WHY I'LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU HAVE ALZHEIMER DISEASE..," referring to my quaint habit of not hearing much he ever says to me. He said it in an awful sweet way tho that made my ears prick up at the time .. kind of charmed me, it did... fuck it made me dizzy. He's got this delicious way of saying things that make my insides melt and my brain turn upside down. Uh.. what was I saying? See, that's what they do to ya. Make it sound sexy, reassuring, soft, funny, witty, exciting, controlled, low. The words, next to the grounded pulsing animal energy from them, seem - as cruel as it sounds - ultimately meaningless. But they aren't. That's the trap. Here's another great way of distinguishing if what a Capricorn is saying is of grave important to you. They'll never say something sweet that's relationship-threatening. It will sound serious. You won't be listening anyway, so I don't know why I'm bothering to say it, but if it's important it will sound less like sex and more like taxes. Yes, that's a good way of explaining it. If they sound like the IRS, telling you something you know is life or death serious TO YOU, but NOT THEIR PROBLEM IF YOU DON'T LISTEN (see the IRS connection?) -- pay rapt attention. Because like the IRS, they don't have to be mean about what they say. Or threatening. Or violent. Yeah, it's got that much consequence behind it. But yes they are terribly STUCK on, and ADAMANT, about the stuff they SAY to you. Except, trust me, NO ONE EVER HEARS WHAT THEY SAY. I'd say, "I don't know why they even bother to communicate with other humans," but I KNOW WHY. It's the way they can detach and keep things so nice and neat after they destroy you if you've been found guilty and deserve their wrath. In their stubborn heads, they are leaving you behind saying to themselves, "I told ya so." It's a great skill. I love it. I'm learning it. Makes life so SHARP. Like eggshells. Like living with God. "Hey! I told ya so!!! I warned ya!!" - God. ..and Capricorns. Because if you're really interested in keeping one, your actions must match your words explicitly. Because they never forget a promise or a slight.   I told my OTHER cap friend, "Yes, understanding a Capricorn AND hearing what they say is like having a finely tuned superpower... "I HAVE THAT SUPERPOWER. I'VE CULTIVATED IT!! I CAN HEAR CAPRICORNS!" ...to which she said, "You never hear a fucking thing I say. How many times have I told you the same thing tonight?" (--this OTHER Capricorn friend she's talking about would be yours truly, razors and vines...) Those Capricorns can be a little testy when they have to repeat themselves. It's a damn good thing they are so useful and sexy or sometimes that... "pow, right to the moon thing" comes to mind... And she was right. She did tell me the same thing 19 times and I still didn't understand it. BUT I KNEW what she was saying was important. I got the feeling. the spider-sense. It's almost like a force of will. they are WILLING YOU TO GET THE IMPORTANCE OF IT. I knew that part. I felt the command to MAKE A NOTE OF IT... and I did. Tho of what, I wasn't sure until 8hrs later. This, tho, is a habit I've noticed many Earth signs (of which Cap is one) possess.. ...they only tell you THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE CONCEPT THEY WISH TO IMPART. The guts, the gist, the one sentence you may, and are expected to, repeat to yourself as you brush your teeth three times a day. Granted, they get snaps for underlining verbally the most IMPORTANT PART, but often 99% of the story is left to your imagination because they don't think that: a) they need to explain it to you (or 'again', as some of them claim) b) it's beneath them to explain because they told you once, ten years ago. c) it's their little mental test and ironic sense of style to SEE IF YOU WERE LISTENING!! WHICH YOU WEREN'T!! because no one hears Capricorns at all!!! You'd think they'd know by now that it's hard to hear anything and have it make a lasting impression when it's imparted to you in a mega-sexy way. They don't consider their mega-watt sex appeal to be an impetus to communication tho. Wrong. Sorry!!! CAN'T HEAR YOU WHEN YOU'RE BEING SEXY!!! I've come to the conclusion, this is what Capricorns have to do to be heard: Decide what is MOST IMPORTANT for someone else to know and take to their grave and then: a) grab this person by the shoulders and shake them hard about 4 times until it starts to really get annoying b) say the MOST IMPORTANT THING THEY NEED TO EXPRESS c) make the person repeat it back to them d) then just full-out punch that person in the face This is possibly the ONLY way I can see anyone EVER hearing anything a Capricorn says. See as you go along in your relationship every time she/he punches you, you'd think back to "what the hell did they say??" and you'd remember and you'd possibly reflect upon it as something important to recall because it's going to come back to bite you in the ass soon. See? Pain equals remembering. Because Capricorns DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF LETTING THINGS SLIDE SO YOU GET THE HINT THAT SOMETHING BAD IS APPROACHING. They don't get that NORMAL PEOPLE start to slack off. When stuff isn't running to a Capricorns satisfaction or delight, they are just as solid and as great and as polite as ever. I tried to explain this to more than one Capricorn. "Ok, like maybe if you're unhappy... like.. maybe show it? Like maybe let some stuff slide. Slack off. Disappear. Be unreasonable and unreliable." They just stare at you like you asked them to get a sex change. So, so much for that. They don't let the mask slide UNTIL THEY LEAVE YOU. [NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR.] Anyway... I don't care what any of them say.. I have a super sensitive power to anticipate trouble with Capricorns. Now there's a book title... or better yet.. a reality TV show... "Trouble with Capricorns." I should probably host a retreat for people married to Capricorns. We're on a mountain. We've meditated. We sang kumbaya. Now, the 'My name is Max and I married a Capricorn..." starts up... I listen. Then I say... "No, no, no, she didn't mean that. NOW, WHAT DID SHE SAY? No, no, no, I didn't ask you to think. I said WHAT DID SHE SAY. Ok? Is that it? Then that's what she meant. NEXT!" No one ever gets it. I swear to god there is something in the voice of a Capricorn that's like a Siren. It's soft and it's gentle and it's funny too. They never let on how serious they are until the knife is all the way thru your chest. It's either really great or really traumatic. NO in between. I told my friend this, my Aries friend, that she needed a Capricorn. She blathered on about his shoulders and how he coaches some softball team, but still somehow manages to be a bit icy to her. She never heard a thing I said. I don't know how to end this except to say... Capricorns seem to be the one sign where no investigation of their words for an ulterior motive is necessary. I really don't know how to end this post. I guess I'll just end it kind of anti-climatic and just leave. Yes, like a Capricorn. lol"