Erin, Grant...possibly others

For those inclined to this sort of thing:
Simpleology
I know this helps A LOT of people, so when I ran across it - I knew I had to post it here.

finally...

I finally figured out what book I should write.  It came to me a few days ago and I can't believe I didn't think of it before now.  It's all so simple and right before my eyes.  I know the characters; practically intimately.

Now I just need a plot.

Poptatari, I might need you to make some inspirational cookies so I can work this out.  You'll be part of making history!

I need the motivational cookies, Poptatari!
is this working?  hint, hint... plead... hint... erm...

I called up Erin and told her the idea and she immediately said it would make a great play.

Then I told my son and he laughed his ass off at some of the characters I came up with.

My daughter asked me if I fell off the wagon (because she's a smartass) until I explained it more thoroughly; then she started throwing out other personality traits they should have and my Florida room turning into a loud sounding board complete with comments like, "WHY ISN'T IT DONE ALREADY?!"

...because, you know, books write themselves over-night...

Erin did the same thing to me, "Are you done with the first chapter already?" - "I just thought of it 10 minutes ago and we're still on the phone, so, no..."

They're a subtle bunch.

If the whole idea falls apart though, blame it on the lack of inspiration cookies...

Yes, I'm willing to go THAT low!
laughs...


Special greetings to:  Zuid-holland, Netherlands - Bratislava, Slovakia - London, United Kingdom - Catalonia, Spain - Ar Riyad, Saudi Arabia - Nova Scotia, Canada -  Baden-wurttemberg, Germany and Nordrhein-westfalen, Germany!

for J.D.'s love of cats...

I was thinking about it after your comment here yesterday and I wanted to point out your deep love of cats and celebrate it with a tribute.

Roadkill* as a baby, which I know you're horribly sad you missed:


Her laying in my lap because I'm her freakin' personal comfort chair apparently:



And that cute little innocent face that I know you'd just fall in-love with as soon as she was done attacking you because I'm sure she can sense your hatred for cats from here!

Aries people

Something I've been saying for decades now...

"I never met an Aries I didn't like"
I stand by that.

Two of my best friends, strongest supporters and the best listeners in the book - are of the Aries persuasion.

My closest friends are generally Aries and Libras. They're straight shooters. Yet, I'm surrounded with Leos. I married two of them too. I'm related to a bunch of them. I'm PLAGUED with Leos.

I must have a big, "If you're a Leo, come stand by me" sign embedded in the back of my head.

I've had one close great Cancer friend, since 4th grade - the hilarious part is he's my polar opposite and even after 32 years, we don't know each other at all and that's okay somehow - it's peaceful and comforting and respectful and trustworthy...

Unlike Leos though, who can spot me a mile away - I'm the one that can spot an Aries if they are ANYWHERE within my radar. I never know it upon meeting them, but it's always the same thing and in the end when I find out they're an Aries - I'm never surprised.

laughs...
I just thought of an Aries story!

I played second life for awhile. It's a pointless game, but someone asked me to give it a try. Fine. I make enough people do enough things that I tend to return the favor. I played this game for weeks before I found someone interesting.

The hilarious part is, I zeroed in on this guy and we didn't say more than a single "hi" to each other. That's it - but in my head, I said, "I'm going to get that one."

His name was Malice.
laughs... I should have known then...

I ran into him alone on some island a few days later and without saying a word, I targeted him and typed /bite. He accepted and that's when the animation I bought to be a Vampire (yes, because I was bored out of my mind with the game and had to come up with some way to amuse myself) went into action.

The animation caused the following: swung him around by the arm, bit him on the neck and threw him on the floor in a pool of his own blood.

He totally understood and appreciated this means of communication and said hello back by pulling out his abductors knife and slitting my throat. All I could do was laugh while sitting at my desk - and in a pool of my own blood in the game.

Brilliant.
Instant respect.

GAME ON!
These Violent Acts of War went on until we both quit the game.

They went on until we both quit the game of our own accord. We weren't tossed out of the game. Though, for the life of me, I don't know why. I would have banned us. We were nothing short of menacing.

We set fires.
That was our favorite pastime.

We once burned down a forest, a small village, a dungeon, a dance club - and our friend's house. In the process of burning down our mutual friend's house, another mutual friend showed up and ran around the house screaming that he couldn't breathe and we were all going to die.

The owners of the house were less impressed with us, but they did ultimately laugh about it - ultimately.

The dance club we set on fire begged us to come back on a regular basis after sending out a memo to all of their members about what happened because we were a sheer force and form of cheap entertainment. I think a picture of it is still up on their bulletin board.

Erm. Oh, yeah. We did go back to our friend's house at some point and filled it with water since their love of our pyro techniques weren't as well received as we had hoped.

That went over about as well as setting their house on fire. We got no extra points for adding fish to the scene either. They had no sense of humor.

I once whipped out a giant cross that he crawled up on and hung from and then LEFT ME UNATTENDED. This led to me moving the cross all over the island, with him still on it, when he was gone. That's the day he was about to become a hood ornament to a house about 1500 feet up - he came back too early though.

In retaliation, he once teleported me to a Gorean sim where the women are not considered free and left me there. Bastard.

I was in a Church and he decided it was time to have a sword fight.
Fucker.
"WE'RE IN A CHURCH. WHO RAISED YOU?! STOP IT!"

That lasted about two sentences typed to me. I forget what he said, but I couldn't help myself and it was on. I had to ask God to forgive me later.

I kicked his ass, for the record.

If there was a cliff to get pushed off of (he once called me over, said, "D - I love you" and ran into me, sending me flying about a thousand feet. Dick.), a killing field, a means of plummeting to ones death or a way to make the other person look stupid doing something - we were ALL OVER IT.

"Click on that! No, really, it's fine - DO IT!" - oh my God, here's a tip, if you're ever in second life with me and around anything that has tentacles, don't let me talk you into clicking on it. No good EVER comes of it. EVER. And I will say just about anything I can think of just to see if I can get you to do it. I can't be trusted like that. You've been warned.

We were CONSTANTLY in combat. It's not even a combat type game, really. I've gone so far as to climb up on a rooftop and chuck saw blades at him while he shot arrows at me. Then I bought a gun and renamed it, "Diosa's peace keeper" and would shoot him as soon as I saw him.

It was our way of greeting each other.
And even though his name was Malice, there was never any Malice.

Our issue is that we always had to have an audience. Left alone it was like, "So... what do you want to do now?" and we were too stupid to come up with anything of any importance, so it would take a matter of minutes before we found hordes of people.

Ironically, he use to live in Texas and has since moved about 15 minutes away from me in New York to marry another Capricorn.

He asked if we all wanted to meet once and I said, "Phhf - find me" - If he wants to find me that much, he'll go door to door knocking until he does. There will be flyers all around town with my name on it. That's how Aries are.

Every Aries needs a Capricorn!

oh my God, ESPECIALLY in business... all business partnerships should be Aries/Capricorn... The Aries will be all brilliant and shine and the Cap will make their world go around seamlessly.

I know that sounds insane.

I was not a big believer in astrology by any means and would test my one Aries friend for YEARS over it. She can talk to someone for 3.2 minutes and tell me exactly what they are.

Not just sun signs either, she can tell me what signs rule their jobs, marriage, the way they're seen to the public, how they see themselves, what shrouds them.

It's uncanny.
It use to be a little unnerving.

We've been going over this for 10+ years now, but these days - I question it less, if at all.

I told my female Aries friend that I'm referring to above [yes, I'm talking about Erin], about my male Aries friend. My male Aries friend who has been my friend since we were in 8th grade. Again, a friendship filled with brutal honesty.

No malice, but definitely not a candy-coated duration.
Thank God.

The few attempts at sugar coating were met with, "What are you talking about, you know it's not going to work out that way"..."No, I know, it's not going to work that way" - so even if softening the blow gets attempted, the other party can't have it either and generally doesn't have sense enough to play along.

The other party is usually me... fine...

One plays tennis, the other is now interested in golf.

Golf.
Which basically came out of nowhere.

Now, *I* know that it may have come out of nowhere - but I also know that she has thought it to death and probably researched it and has glorified it in her head to equate to all sorts of honorable levels and it's now taken on a grandiose state of its own.

And she will conquer it.

Just like she conquered everything else she seemingly came out with out of the clear blue. Dancing, belly dancing, pole dancing, book binding, wine making, beer making, creating miniature books, the list goes on - none of which has a thing to do with finances or her life, really.

She just got a thought in her head and then it was just about as good as done.

Even when she's been frustrated beyond words, up for days at a time, had to rework something 85 times, taken 8,000 unnecessary steps, destroyed everything to start over from scratch and swore like a sailor - doesn't matter.

I never doubt her.
I never doubt him.

No one should EVER say an Aries has failed at something. They never fail at anything. If it looks like that, it just means that they haven't devoted enough time to it. But they will. That's a fire sign attribute. There's nothing any of them can't do; if they want to.

It's been pointed out to me that my 8th house is in Aries. The 8th house is basically how you handle life. Aries is, of course, the Greek God of War, counterpoint to the Roman God, Mars.

I stole the following four lines from the internet, but they were so dead on, I couldn't change a thing...

A word of advice, NEVER tell a Ram they can’t do something.
You just gave them a mission if you do.

Many an Aries has conquered adversity not for a truly noble cause but simply because they were told they couldn’t do something.

Their ambition?
They win.

There is a deep love of money about all fire signs. They are acutely aware that money equals freedom. Their driving forces are fairly close too.

Aries - driven by being told they can't do something.
Leo - driven by recognition.
Sagittarius - driven by the prestige of money.

Capricorns - driven by security and it has to be something that will better the world at large.
It's hard to separate myself from the fray, I have a lot of fire in my chart.

Fire signs = time is money.
Capricorns = time is everything.

I can think of a time or two when my answer to doing something was, "Because I can..." - so I can relate. Actually, now that I think about it, I can recall saying, "I think you'll find that I can" a few times in the past couple of weeks.

That's what I like about them!

They may not look like the vision of stability, but if that's what you see - you aren't looking close enough.

Even the most stable of them though have some kind of wild card factor and it usually involves speed and danger of some sort. Danger that they only have a logical concept of, they know it's a possibility that they could get hurt - this is not a diversion however, because they don't really believe that will ever be their destiny.

They're also very careful about only taking chances with themselves. They have a large sense of protection about other people they care about.

This is how Caps and Aries differ. I'll be told of some situation one of them is about to engage in and in my head, or out loud, I'll say, "I'd be dead" - full well knowing that that particular activity would be what kills me.

They are unmoved by this.
I usually get back, "Well, that's certainly a possibility..."

This is their version of agreeing with me that, "Yes, it would probably kill me" - not them.
At least they're pleasant about it.

Caps are the support crew. We do all the behind the scenes junk no one else wants to do and it's not work to us. Aries, in typical fire fashion, are the bright lights that invent and don't have a clue what the definition of "No" is.

To them, that word it's more like a shocking discovery - "Really? I didn't even know that word existed in the English language, huh" - before summarily dismissing it as a credible answer to anything and surely, it doesn't apply to them anyway, so who cares.

They are always refreshing to talk to.
I admire them.

Like Scorpios, I don't know how willing I'd be to cross one. Well, being a Cap (none of us fear death - we simply don't, we know there has to be something better than this life - which in some sick way causes us to fucking live FOREVER, probably as penance for having that stance) - it would be a war to end all wars.

Still, would NOT be my first choice or thought.
I can't imagine EVER having a reason to go up against an Aries either.
Too much mutual respect.

I told my female Aries friend what she was in for when she moves into her Capricorn fiance's house. He will be ALL about protecting her and her kids. There isn't a situation or person alive that's going to be able to touch them.

This is NOT work to us.
You PROTECT your family.
You protect them from hurt and harm and as much aggravation as humanly possible.

All we expect in return is credit.
That's it.
Credit.

Her problems have just become his in his mind. It's automatic. Automatic and natural. It's what we're designed to do. And whatever you want to do, as long as it's not killing us from the inside out - we'll ensure you will be able to do.

Oh my God, that's a piece of cake.
We can do that in our sleep.

We'll figure the budget, we'll run the household, we won't expect you to give anything we're not willing to give. Every decision made will have you firmly in mind. We want you to shine. This makes you happy. We're good. We couldn't be LESS interested in shining. We're content simply being good at what we do. We don't relish the limelight. It makes us uncomfortable. We just want to blend, even though this never works out well.

Obama and his wife are perfect examples.
She and I share the same birthday.

He always gives her credit for him being where he is today.
This ensures a long, happy life for him.

And... heaven...help...ANYONE...that tries to get between a Cap and their family.
death wish...

We will annihilate you.
Liquefy.

We are unable to tolerate that.
Ever.

I couldn't even tolerate it when a Leo I married moved into my house and was all sad that his ex-girlfriend wouldn't give him back his stupid cat; a cat that was his before he even knew the ex. I didn't want a cat. I didn't want to see the ex-girlfriend. He tried to do the right thing and the Police told him he would have to go to Civil Court.

Right.
Drive me over there.
Wait in the car, I'll be right back.

It took about three minutes to walk out of her apartment with his cat.
He was happy again and I was the proud co-owner of a cat that hated me for 14 years.

There is nothing on this earth that we can't handle either. We can bear anything life has to throw at us. Easily. ALL we want in return is credit. Don't trample all over that and we'll never leave you. If you take away our credit, however, we'll leave you in a heartbeat.

We're not the best at everything, maybe not even anything, but what we are good at - you should never, ever try to downplay. Say it like it is, but do not ever downplay it - and without question, do NOT downplay it for your own personal amusement. If you do, fuck you - there's the door. If you do give us credit, a little goes a long way because we catch every line spoken.

have I stressed that enough?

Aries never do this to Caps.
Every Cap needs an Aries in their life.
Every Aries needs a Cap.
If you don't have one - go get one.

Capricorns - an Aries point of view

Erin did a write up trying to explain Capricorns to other people, for their own benefit. She wrote this about a year and a half ago and it was so accurate that I had to save it.

Accurate and funny - because it's all true.

Every now and then I'll still laugh about the IRS sex/taxes comment randomly. It could not be more DEAD ON!

Anyway...
I am said Capricorn.
She is said Aries.
And I have no idea who the other Aries was that she was talking to.


---------------------

So says Erin: "Anyway, I met someone today that got me going about Capricorns. It was an Aries of course. It's like peanut butter and jelly. It's like water and fish. It's like .. whatever. I SPENT a lot of damn time in 2007 trying to understand the Capricorn's DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE words. No tricks. No big words. No complicated theories. No double-talking statements for them. Just quiet little sentences. Probably 6 words or less. They just drop these MASSIVELY IMPORTANT DEADLY SERIOUS STATEMENTS AT YOUR FEET WITH ZERO CEREMONY AND LET THEM LAY THERE and EXPECT you to never forget them. Deceptive... so deceptive... if blunt and brutal honesty delivered with a steady voice can be labeled deceptive. But like I told my friend, "no one ever HEARS anything a Capricorn ever says. " And, no, I don't have ALZHEIMER'S, like that one Capricorn I love recently suggested to me .. or rather he said, "SEE? THIS IS WHY I'LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU HAVE ALZHEIMER DISEASE..," referring to my quaint habit of not hearing much he ever says to me. He said it in an awful sweet way tho that made my ears prick up at the time .. kind of charmed me, it did... fuck it made me dizzy. He's got this delicious way of saying things that make my insides melt and my brain turn upside down. Uh.. what was I saying? See, that's what they do to ya. Make it sound sexy, reassuring, soft, funny, witty, exciting, controlled, low. The words, next to the grounded pulsing animal energy from them, seem - as cruel as it sounds - ultimately meaningless. But they aren't. That's the trap. Here's another great way of distinguishing if what a Capricorn is saying is of grave important to you. They'll never say something sweet that's relationship-threatening. It will sound serious. You won't be listening anyway, so I don't know why I'm bothering to say it, but if it's important it will sound less like sex and more like taxes. Yes, that's a good way of explaining it. If they sound like the IRS, telling you something you know is life or death serious TO YOU, but NOT THEIR PROBLEM IF YOU DON'T LISTEN (see the IRS connection?) -- pay rapt attention. Because like the IRS, they don't have to be mean about what they say. Or threatening. Or violent. Yeah, it's got that much consequence behind it. But yes they are terribly STUCK on, and ADAMANT, about the stuff they SAY to you. Except, trust me, NO ONE EVER HEARS WHAT THEY SAY. I'd say, "I don't know why they even bother to communicate with other humans," but I KNOW WHY. It's the way they can detach and keep things so nice and neat after they destroy you if you've been found guilty and deserve their wrath. In their stubborn heads, they are leaving you behind saying to themselves, "I told ya so." It's a great skill. I love it. I'm learning it. Makes life so SHARP. Like eggshells. Like living with God. "Hey! I told ya so!!! I warned ya!!" - God. ..and Capricorns. Because if you're really interested in keeping one, your actions must match your words explicitly. Because they never forget a promise or a slight.   I told my OTHER cap friend, "Yes, understanding a Capricorn AND hearing what they say is like having a finely tuned superpower... "I HAVE THAT SUPERPOWER. I'VE CULTIVATED IT!! I CAN HEAR CAPRICORNS!" ...to which she said, "You never hear a fucking thing I say. How many times have I told you the same thing tonight?" (--this OTHER Capricorn friend she's talking about would be yours truly, razors and vines...) Those Capricorns can be a little testy when they have to repeat themselves. It's a damn good thing they are so useful and sexy or sometimes that... "pow, right to the moon thing" comes to mind... And she was right. She did tell me the same thing 19 times and I still didn't understand it. BUT I KNEW what she was saying was important. I got the feeling. the spider-sense. It's almost like a force of will. they are WILLING YOU TO GET THE IMPORTANCE OF IT. I knew that part. I felt the command to MAKE A NOTE OF IT... and I did. Tho of what, I wasn't sure until 8hrs later. This, tho, is a habit I've noticed many Earth signs (of which Cap is one) possess.. ...they only tell you THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE CONCEPT THEY WISH TO IMPART. The guts, the gist, the one sentence you may, and are expected to, repeat to yourself as you brush your teeth three times a day. Granted, they get snaps for underlining verbally the most IMPORTANT PART, but often 99% of the story is left to your imagination because they don't think that: a) they need to explain it to you (or 'again', as some of them claim) b) it's beneath them to explain because they told you once, ten years ago. c) it's their little mental test and ironic sense of style to SEE IF YOU WERE LISTENING!! WHICH YOU WEREN'T!! because no one hears Capricorns at all!!! You'd think they'd know by now that it's hard to hear anything and have it make a lasting impression when it's imparted to you in a mega-sexy way. They don't consider their mega-watt sex appeal to be an impetus to communication tho. Wrong. Sorry!!! CAN'T HEAR YOU WHEN YOU'RE BEING SEXY!!! I've come to the conclusion, this is what Capricorns have to do to be heard: Decide what is MOST IMPORTANT for someone else to know and take to their grave and then: a) grab this person by the shoulders and shake them hard about 4 times until it starts to really get annoying b) say the MOST IMPORTANT THING THEY NEED TO EXPRESS c) make the person repeat it back to them d) then just full-out punch that person in the face This is possibly the ONLY way I can see anyone EVER hearing anything a Capricorn says. See as you go along in your relationship every time she/he punches you, you'd think back to "what the hell did they say??" and you'd remember and you'd possibly reflect upon it as something important to recall because it's going to come back to bite you in the ass soon. See? Pain equals remembering. Because Capricorns DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF LETTING THINGS SLIDE SO YOU GET THE HINT THAT SOMETHING BAD IS APPROACHING. They don't get that NORMAL PEOPLE start to slack off. When stuff isn't running to a Capricorns satisfaction or delight, they are just as solid and as great and as polite as ever. I tried to explain this to more than one Capricorn. "Ok, like maybe if you're unhappy... like.. maybe show it? Like maybe let some stuff slide. Slack off. Disappear. Be unreasonable and unreliable." They just stare at you like you asked them to get a sex change. So, so much for that. They don't let the mask slide UNTIL THEY LEAVE YOU. [NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR.] Anyway... I don't care what any of them say.. I have a super sensitive power to anticipate trouble with Capricorns. Now there's a book title... or better yet.. a reality TV show... "Trouble with Capricorns." I should probably host a retreat for people married to Capricorns. We're on a mountain. We've meditated. We sang kumbaya. Now, the 'My name is Max and I married a Capricorn..." starts up... I listen. Then I say... "No, no, no, she didn't mean that. NOW, WHAT DID SHE SAY? No, no, no, I didn't ask you to think. I said WHAT DID SHE SAY. Ok? Is that it? Then that's what she meant. NEXT!" No one ever gets it. I swear to god there is something in the voice of a Capricorn that's like a Siren. It's soft and it's gentle and it's funny too. They never let on how serious they are until the knife is all the way thru your chest. It's either really great or really traumatic. NO in between. I told my friend this, my Aries friend, that she needed a Capricorn. She blathered on about his shoulders and how he coaches some softball team, but still somehow manages to be a bit icy to her. She never heard a thing I said. I don't know how to end this except to say... Capricorns seem to be the one sign where no investigation of their words for an ulterior motive is necessary. I really don't know how to end this post. I guess I'll just end it kind of anti-climatic and just leave. Yes, like a Capricorn. lol"