fine, I'd be killed first...

It's been pointed out in great detail, in a clear and concise way to me, exactly how and why I'm never going to make a good hostage.

BY ALL OF YOU!

Some of you going the extra mile to illustrate exactly why I would not only NOT live, but why I'd be the very first shot. I was even forced to agree tonight.

Points taken.

uh...and I appreciate the suggestions on how I'd have to be to avoid said issue...

Fine.
I'll pick some other hobby.
Sheesh

But let me just say this... if I ever DO become a hostage and LIVE, I'm so writing the longest post about it in contradiction and there will probably be pie charts involved too! You've been warned!

if you love something...

"If you love something, set it free"
This was a passing comment between Grant and myself this morning in the Florida room.

I had to walk into the living room to collect myself. It offended most of my senses and now it's stuck in my head and I find it increasingly irritating. So, you know, the proper protocol is to inflict it on all of you...

This is right up there with the "is the glass half full or half empty" thing to me - which you all know I fucking hate.

And again, it's just simply HALF - no more, no less. It's MATH.

I came back out to the Florida room and said, "What the hell does that even mean?!" - because I don't get it.

He repeated the whole thing - which helped me understand it, not at all.

"If you love something, set it free; if it comes back to you, it's yours - if it doesn't, it never was."
-Richard Bach
Earth sign alert! Earth sign alert!
Terra Firma!
Foundation! Roots!
Structure! Cultivating! Building!
Red alert! Red alert!
All senses fully offended!

If you love something, you don't set it free!

If you love something - you nurture it, you care for it, you love it, you make it feel safe and secure, you make sure it's at least content, you cherish it, you give it a wide range to grow, you protect it with everything you're worth, you don't sell it, you don't trade it, you don't give it away, you're loyal to it, you're devoted to it, you live for it, you're willing to die for it and you don't treat it cheaply.

Oh my God... and if you can set it free, you didn't love it enough in the first fucking place!

My head may explode.

I admit it, I called Richard Bach an idiot.
Sorry, Richard - I'm sure you're a lovely person, on the inside...

Now this quote...

"Love is a fire. Whether it's going to warm your heart or burn down your house though, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford
...I can at least understand.

Racism/Prejudice

I'm going to say this again - racism is a bunch of bullshit.

It was pure dumb luck that you were born the race you are. You didn't make any physical, intellectual or well thought out selection of ANY sort. You don't get credit for it.

None.
Zero.
Zip.

You can't proclaim superiority over something that was completely RANDOM.

Your mother decided to give birth to you.
You had NO say in it.

That all being FACT, I'm going to also say this:

If your kid is dying in a hospital somewhere and needs a blood transfusion to live, you're not going to give a second thought about who that blood comes from.

If you're South Korean, you're not going to care if the blood that saves your kid's life is from a North Korean.

If you're Puerto Rican, you're not going to care if the blood that saves your kid's life is from a Dominican.

If you're white, you're not going to care if the blood that saves your kid's life is from a black person or not.

If you're Muslim, you're not going to care if the blood that saves your kid's life is from a Catholic.

You're not going to let your kid die over it.

And unless you're willing to sacrifice something as large as that - it's just all bullshit.

So, stop it.

oh, and by the way, fuck you

In doing one of the most boring chores in the universe, I've come to the conclusion that I'm irritated once again over something - women's clothing sizes. Look, I'm 5'3" and weigh between 118-123 lbs depending on what day of the month you catch me. I have a proportionate hourglass figure.

I wear a size 6/7 in regular clothing.
A size 2-4 in women's sizes.
A straight medium in normal items.

Then I did some research and found this:

USA: The average American woman's weight has increased 11 pounds (7 %) in the 10 years between the gathering of statistics, while her height has remained about the same. Earlier I had reported a weight of 152 pounds (69 kg) and height 5' 3.7" (162 cm). Now, it's 163 pounds (74 kg) and 5' 3.8" (162 cm).

Men have have also increased their weight by an average of 10 pounds (6 %), from 180 to 190 pounds, while remaining essentially the same height: 5' 9".

The USA results are from the National Center for Health Statistics, based on two studies: NHANES III (1988 - 94) and, the most recent available, HANES (1999 - 2000).

By those stats, I'm about 30 lbs under the national average.
Great.
Whatever, right?

That's not what irritates me. What irritates me is that my underwear is always a size LARGE.
Yes, you read that correctly - LARGE.

I have a 27" waist for Christ's sake.
I have 36" hips.
Fuck you, underwear makers!

Who's responsible for these labels?! Is that you, China?!
LARGE!

I couldn't stuff myself in a medium without circulation problems so severe that it would require amputation. A small? A pocket pack of Kleenex must be bigger.

Are they just fucking with me? Why don't they just print on the label what they really want to say, "You have a big fat ass and it requires a LARGE!"

The outside paper that they insist on attaching to said thong/g-string/french cut underwear should just call it like they see it, "Whatever self-esteem you thought you had - WE'RE HERE TO TAKE IT AWAY. HAHAHA! COW!"

Kiss my fat ass, self-esteem label making oppressors!

Leggins, yoga pants, shorts, skirts - size small.
Underwear underneath small items? - LARGE.

assholes

Those bold bastards will even go so far as to sometimes write: "Size 7 - Large" on them, JUST to rub it in, I'm sure.

I hate you underwear label makers.
Oh, and by the way, fuck you.

not in a popularity contest, so...

Here are the two things I was talking about yesterday, since no one took me up on wanting to guess. To start:

Roe v. Wade, case decided in 1973 by the U.S. Supreme Court. Along with Doe v. Bolton, this decision legalized abortionoin the first trimester of pregnancy. The decision, written by Justice Harry Blackmun and based on the residual right of privacy, struck down dozens of state antiabortion statutes. The decision was based on two cases, that of an unmarried woman from Texas, where abortion was illegal unless the mother's life was at risk, and that of a poor, married mother of three from Georgia, where state law required permission for an abortion from a panel of doctors and hospital officials. While establishing the right to an abortion, this decision gave states the right to intervene in the second and third trimesters of pregnancy to protect the woman and the "potential" life of the unborn child. Denounced by the National Council of Bishops, the decision gave rise to a vocal antiabortion movement that put pressure on the courts and created an anti-Roe litmus test for the judicial appointments of the Reagan and Bush administrations (1981–93). In a 1989 case, Webster v. Reproductive Health Services, the court, while not striking down Roe, limited its scope, permitting states greater latitude in regulating and restricting abortions. Then in 1992, in Planned Parenthood v. Casey, the court reaffirmed the abortion rights granted in Roe v. Wade, while permitting further restrictions.

See N. McCorvey with A. Meisler, I Am Roe (1994).

---

(1973) Decision of the Supreme Court of the United States that established a woman's right to have an abortion without undue interference from the government. A Texas law prohibiting abortions was challenged by an unmarried pregnant woman (pseudonymously named Jane Roe), and the court ruled in her favour, finding that the state had violated her right to privacy (see rights of privacy). Harry Blackmun, writing for the seven-member majority, argued that the state's legitimate concern for the protection of prenatal life increased as a pregnancy advanced. While allowing that the state might forbid abortions during a pregnancy's third trimester, he held that a woman was entitled to obtain an abortion freely, after medical consultation, during the first trimester and in an authorized clinic during the second trimester. The Roe decision, perhaps the most controversial in the Supreme Court's history, remains at the centre of the issue of abortion rights. Repeated challenges since 1973, such as Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania v. Casey, have narrowed the scope of Roe but have not overturned it.

--

Now, regardless of anyone's personal views on abortion, it is NOT against the law. The SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES, a government agency, says it's LEGAL. The HEAD of the Federal Court SYSTEM says it's okay. It's been OKAY for the last 36 YEARS. WHY it's even still on the table for debate is beyond me, but that's a whole other issue.

For those that don't think it should be legal, ask yourselves this: Would you find it reasonable for it to be a felony and would you be willing to put any woman that went for an abortion under arrest and then throw her in prison over it?

No female ever makes this choice lightly and no female that makes this choice is exempt from living with it.

Overwhelmingly, the opposition to this issue seems to be solely moral...and if you've read me at all, you know that I don't think morals should have any part in the making of laws... laws should simply be about the betterment of society in my opinion.

So, explain to me WHY on earth, no Federal health insurance plan will cover abortion.

I want to know.
Because I don't get it.

Again, the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT deems it LEGAL.
THE HIGHEST POWER IN THE LAND WE LIVE IN deems it LEGAL.

Let me further say that... Planned Parenthood, you really piss me off when it comes to this issue.

It does not make sense to me.

I, without question, hold nothing against anyone that doesn't like the idea of abortion. Can I see how it's seen as unsavory? Yes. Would I absolutely support any friend of mine that made the decision to go forth with a pregnancy even under horrendous circumstances like rape? Yes, because that's my job as a friend.

That said, even financially - does the state see it better to pay a couple of hundred dollars for an abortion or possibly have to pay the next 18 years of health care, food stamps, welfare, etc, etc. Not that most abortions are even from lower class economics, but really - getting down to facts and figures, what makes more sense.

With the horrendous rate at which women are raped in this country, should they then have the added bonus of having to go into debt to pay for an abortion on top of it? God Bless the morning after pill (RU486 - which had to be fought for as well for some ridiculous freakin' reason) - but how many cases go unreported?

With the horrendous rate at which women are subjected to verbal, emotional and physical violence at the hands of their partner - only made WORSE and at a HIGHER RISK of DEATH when they become pregnant as seen here, here and here, where it lists that up to 25% of pregnant women are abused and sometimes killed...

Does it make sense to have someone in a domestic violence situation and then not afford them the means to sever the ties with their abuser because their insurance, that they pay thousands of dollars a year for, says no.

Two) Give citizenship to everyone already here. Just do it already for cryin' out loud! Wave your magic wand and make it happen.

If this health care option isn't going to cover undocumented people - make them documented. This country was built on IMMIGRANTS. It's the very fabric of our existence.

Costs are forcing hospitals to close all over the place, especially in Florida and California due to them not being able to handle the charges wracked up by people who can't afford to pay.

If you're going to make it a LAW that EVERY American citizen has to carry Health Insurance, just like you have to carry car insurance - that's fine with me. Got it. Understood. That doesn't answer for the costs incurred by those that are here illegally and are not required to carry health insurance.

You also can NOT have those people dying in the streets either or afraid to go to the hospital and then DIE AT HOME.

Estimated 11.9 million illegal immigrants - that's 11.9+ MILLION illegal immigrants that will what? Be required to stay healthy? Die? What?

Blanket statement!
You're all now citizens!
Prove who you are, get your citizenship certificate.
Welcome to America.
Now go get some health insurance.

I say this for another reason too - I dislike the idea of American companies exploiting illegal immigrants. What the hell is that?! You don't get to do that. Stop it. Right now.

Anyone that you hire has the right to minimum wage - and trust me on this one, no one is getting rich off of minimum wage. I don't even know how most people can even live on minimum wage. That is, however, the LEAST anyone should expect and the least you can legally do. The ONLY people that get around that is the food industry where they STILL have a mandatory minimum.

The LEAST.
"I would pay you far less if I could legally get away with it!"..."Gee, thanks"...
COME ON!

It's a LAW.

Wow...look at that... another law... we don't ignore this one in a wide sweeping blanket though, do we? There is not one company that would come out and say, "Well, you can work here, but we don't like that law and we're going to IGNORE IT. We find it immoral."...or even better... "Fine, we'll allow you minimum wage, but because we find that law immoral, we're not going to offer you workman's comp over it if you work for the government."

Side note: Grant just came over to see what I was typing and said, "You don't really want to put that on your page, do you..."

OF COURSE I DO! When you see something that looks fundamentally wrong, you say something about it.

Grant: "Abortion is a hot topic..."
Me: "I know."
Grant: "Do you REALLY want to throw that out there on your page?"
Me: "YES!"

The day I have to start censoring myself, is the day I stop having a journal...

And really, it's NOT even about abortion. That's been ruled LEGAL. That's not up for debate. What IS, is it's legal. The ISSUE I'm debating is WHY then, isn't it covered by the very same system that MADE it LEGAL.

And that, is my rant, for today.

get ready...

Because after I wake up in the morning, I'm going to be going off about Health Care. I only have one point of contention after Obama's speech the other day, but it's a big one. It's not against him in the least either. It's about Federal funds and the more I think about it, the more I get irritated by it.

I take that back!
There are two things that irritate me - I have solutions for both of them too.
Seriously, who the Hell do I have to call?

If you can guess which either of them are, I'll be totally impressed with you and dedicate an entire post to you and refer to you as King or Queen for a week.

To give you a head start, I'll tell you that it's NOT over the sea of hideously ugly ties I had to endure while watching the speech.

though I would be interested in knowing if there was some gigantic sale on purple fabric to tie factories this year... Good Lord...

I am a hotel snob - and a tie snob.

Oh, and it's NOT about the fact that grown men should know better than to yell out in the middle of a Presidential speech.

What the hell is wrong with you? No home training? Who does that? - and stop it. Immediately. Never do that again. That's just rude. Don't make me call your mother.

Okay, one more - it's also NOT about having to stare at the TV screen while some heart surgeon proceeds to represent the Republican party. Was he even listening to the same speech? He mentioned five things and Obama addressed four of the five of them. Pay better attention next time, doctor.

I'm going to settle in to read now, before my head explodes.

women's bathrooms

You can always tell the sign of a good restaurant/party house/hotel by the condition of their women's bathroom(s).
That's just a fun little fact.

If you want to know if you should plan any kind of event at a place, send some random female into their facilities and just observe the look on her face when she walks out.

If she comes out with a look of total disgust - don't even think about eating there.
It's as simple as that.

The look is unmistakable too. It's that clenched jaw, eyes half closed, every muscle in her body is tense and there is usually some subtle, if not full on, sneer on her face - stance.

For the male gender who may not yet be informed, let me explain.

We take our settings very seriously. We expect it to be clean. We expect to be able to see when we look in the mirror. We expect all the locks on the doors to work. We expect there to be plenty of supplies at our disposal.

We expect room to move. We expect there to be somewhere for us to put our purses and whatever other junk we happen to have with us.

We expect hooks on the backs of our doors - even if some of us aren't comfortable throwing our stuff up on said hook because we also know how easy it is for someone to just reach over and yank our stuff up and out.

NOT THE POINT!

We expect to not feel like we need to shower when we leave a public restroom.
Yes, I said it.
We expect this.

I always crinkle my nose whenever a bathroom is a) some one room thrown together with no thought enclosure or b) co-ed. Bite me. I don't want to share a bathroom with a male in my own house, let alone a bunch of strangers.

No offense. You men are wonderful. I just don't need to know *that* much about you. I see no real need to bond with you in that way. Stop peeing in front of me for crying out loud.

Now, a really well run place who cares about it's guest/clients/customers will build a real bathroom for women.

This will include up to three separate rooms. A foyer, a waiting area and the facilities themselves - which is large and has stalls on one wall and across from the stalls will be an entire wall side to side of mirrors and sinks.

The sink dispensers won't have the equivalent of Lava soap in them. It will be something fruity or flowery, usually some Yardley something or other that you wouldn't bother to spend the money on to put in your own house.

There will be lights - everywhere, so you can actually see what you're doing when you go to fix your make-up. There will be a large garbage can with a swinging lid on it so you don't have to actually see the garbage in it (if not two - one on either side of the room).

There will be a hand blow dryer AND a paper towel dispenser. Half of them have a folding changing table for babies attached to the wall that you can pull down and make your life easier. There is usually a machine that you can get tampons and pads from if you pay the quarter charge or whatever it is these days.

Each individual stall has a metal box for tampons and pads to dispose of and there is usually a huge roll of toilet paper (and another one behind it) and most of the time there will be a dispenser for those toilet seat covers which are more trouble than they're worth. It's nice to know it's available anyway.

There is at least one handicap, over-sized stall. This is not like a handicap parking space. The same rules do not apply. It's acceptable for anyone to use provided that no one is wheeling themselves in to the room before you go to use it.

Our sitting areas contain couches and nice chairs and mirrors with elegant frames on them. Some will have tables that contain baskets with items such as: bobby pins, safety pins, hair spray, spritzer, nylons, handiwipes, cotton balls, Q-Tips, pads, tampons and sewing kits in them. There is art on the wall, low lighting lamps on the table (designed to make our jewelry sparkle, no doubt) and either carpeting in these rooms or very nice tiles; usually carpet.

This is the norm.

Our bathrooms aren't just bathrooms.
They're conference rooms.
and yes, we *are* discussing *you*...

Now, let me set the scene now that you have all of that information floating around fresh in your head.

We were driving from Maryland back to New York. We found ourselves in the middle of East Nowhere, Pennsylvania when we decided to stop at a Citgo.

Seems normal enough, right?
Wrong.

My daughter and I go in search of the restroom. It is, of course, a one room hovel that we both squeezed into.
Fine.

We made our comments and then I looked up at the wall thinking that the dispenser was the usual tampon/pad dispenser.
Wrong, again!

I pointed to the dispenser silently until she looked up at it. When it registered what it actually was, she started laughing out loud.

Condoms!
In all my years, I've NEVER seen condoms sold in a women's bathroom.

But wait!
Not just condoms - adult novelty items too.
That was on the left side.

On the right side was - aspirin.
Seriously, aspirin.

All for the low, low price of $0.75 each.
We found the cracker jack mother of all dispensers!

You may get a condom or you may get an adult item - how lucky are you feeling tonight?! The right side was solely aspirin, but the left side - total guesswork!
She is, unmistakably my child. So we did what anyone would expect us to do left in a situation like this -- We wasted $4.50 on crap we wouldn't buy over the counter and laughed our asses off every time we dropped in three quarters and turned the knob. We had the added bonus of the bathroom wall being 5' from the outside cashier counter too and a full line in front of it.

We didn't care. It was too much for our senses as soon as this dropped out...

Tattoos.
The Ultimate in Fun & Fantasy.

Clearly, I have a lot to learn if tattoos are the ultimate in Fun & Fantasy. I've been doing it all wrong then. I'm going to have to rethink everything!

Grant must have given up on waiting for us because we found him outside at the car checking the oil. We maintained our silence on our newly purchased stash of Black Magic condoms, tattoos and massage oil.

That is, until we couldn't take it anymore and started laughing again.
Then he made the distinct mistake of finally asking us what took us so long.

My daughter and I exchanged a bonding smirk and then I casually said, "Oh, we were buying condoms..."

He rolled his eyes.
Like he didn't believe me.
Then he must have taken a second to think about it.

Because he knows that if whatever I say sounds really off - there is a 99.997% chance that it's 100% true...

Grant: "Did you really buy condoms?"
Me: "Yes."

silence...

Grant: "You did not."
Me: "Okay."

silence...

Grant: "Why in God's name would you be in there buying condoms?"
The two of us in stereo, all excited: "Because we've never seen a condom dispenser before in our bathrooms! It wasn't JUST a condom dispenser either!"

more silence.. at this point I can see why he's confused... I've had my tubes tied for the last 14 years and my daughter is waiting until after she graduates high school at least... this is SO NOT THE POINT!

We produced our bounty so he could bask in our excitement with us.
He still wasn't getting it.

Grant: "You know those are the kinds of condoms you get when you want to get someone pregnant or take your chances of getting an STD from the condom itself from a place like this..."
Me: "DON'T RAIN ON OUR PARADE!"

a whole lot of staring at our excited little faces while trying to figure out what in God's name to say to us to get us to stop...

Grant: "I'm not sure what the big deal is - that's standard in our bathrooms."
Me: "Yeah, we went into your bathroom too (WE HAD TO!). You had a two sided dispenser too. One side, regular condoms. Other side, ribbed condoms, "for her" - no aspirin..."

a whole fuckload of silence...

That's when I felt it was time to break open the marital aid package with the massage oil in it, you know, to break the silence. And what did I get for my efforts?

NOTHING!
That's what!

The freakin' box was EMPTY!
Empty, I say!
What the Hell kind of rip off bullshit is that?!

I looked at my daughter and said, "I think we should go back in and complain!" - being my offspring, she was all for the idea of witnessing that.

Grant: "Get in the car..."
Me: "Fine. I'll write them hate mail instead."

If any of you B&I employees are reading this:

Dear Barnett International Corporation,

You suck. We hate you.
Oh, and you owe me $0.75

Signed,
A Disgruntled & Disappointed Dispenser User
And that, is my condom story.

Oh, and by the way - the tattoo box contained a scorpion and a cartoon kitten playing with a green tennis ball...I don't even want to know who thinks that's the ultimate in Fun & Fantasy...

I don't even know what to say about this...

By Brian Alexander
msnbc.com contributor
updated 8:59 a.m. ET, Thurs., April 23, 2009

Vaginas with teeth — and other sexual myths
A romp through history reveals a host of absurd beliefs once held as truth

Your genitals are connected to your nose. Women are infertile males. Orgasm is necessary to make a baby. Masturbation leads to insanity. Menstrual blood is actually sperm gone bad. At one time or another, medical science believed all these statements. What is it about sex that allows the imagination of doctors and the scientifically-minded to run free?

A walk down the memory lane of misbegotten sex theories reveals that such fanciful “truths” often grow from the fertile soil of bias and prejudice.

Aristotle, for example, believed that “a boy actually resembles a woman anatomically speaking and a woman is, so to speak, an infertile male. She is female because of a kind of inadequacy being unable to concoct semen from nourishment … owing to the coldness of her nature.”

The idea of a woman as an imperfect man was popular in western thought for more than a thousand years because most of the writers were men.

“That’s the most plausible theory we have: fear of female sex," said Rachel Maines, visiting scholar in Cornell University’s Department of Science and Technology Studies and author of “The Technology of Orgasm: Hysteria, Vibrators and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction.” "I mean, the vagina dentata [vagina with teeth]? If there was ever a male paranoid fantasy, that was it.”

The idea of a vagina with teeth dates as far back as Greek mythology and is rooted in the idea that the female body has hidden, dangerous secrets and that a man who has sex with a woman may risk castration. (While largely the stuff of fiction, such as the 2007 movie "Teeth," at least one real-life case has been documented. In 1989, The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology reported a benign embroid tumor containing teeth growing in the wall of a woman's vagina.)

But it's not just women who are the targets of absurd sexual myths. When the female prioress and early medieval medical thinker Hildegard of Bingen wrote “the strength of man in his genital member is turned into poisonous foam,” she wasn’t exactly giving sex with men a big thumbs up.

Myths about sex in the western world waxed and waned depending largely on the state of sexual attitudes. The more restrictive the view of sex, the more prominent medical sex myths became.

Dangerous sex
By the 1800s, fear of one gender or another had turned into fear of sex itself. Doctors promoted the idea of danger.

While advice to the newly-married up until the 1820s and 1830s often included the idea of female pleasure and the importance of clitoral stimulation, things soon began to change, said John S. Haller, professor emeritus of history and medical humanities at Southern Illinois University and author of “The Physician and Sexuality in Victorian America.”

After about 1840, Haller said, advice manuals began to focus on the vagina. “You begin to see manuals saying that women should not be experiencing that pleasure, and if they do, they are exposing themselves to harm.”

Much of this anti-sex attitude was rooted in economic class prejudice after the industrial revolution started creating the bourgeoisie. The poor, the uneducated, immigrants from southern climes, were the types to enjoy sex. Proper people didn’t.

“The ‘Irish maid’ is a good example,” Haller said. “Bourgeois people did not want them to nurse their children because of what might be carried through the breast milk; it could bring the bad traits of the Irish into the home of the Anglo-Saxon family.”

Masturbate and you'll get flat breasts
Anti-immigrant attitudes even affected the willingness of women to discuss sexual health complaints. “There was a very Protestant focus,” Haller explained, to distinguish oneself from the more swarthy, and lusty, recent arrivals. So “women were not encouraged to discuss or complain about the problems of menopause because they’d be admitting in a public way that they had abused themselves in their youth” since masturbation was thought to bring on menopause later in life.

Masturbation has a been a bugaboo for thousands of years; the Catholic Church still regards it as a disorder. In the Victorian era, after French physician Francois Lallemand published his “Practical Treatise on the Causes, Symptoms and Treatment of Spermatorrhea,” something of a medical panic ensued. Doctors at a Boston insane asylum reported that inmates there masturbated and soon a flood of anxious young men flowed into clinics fearing insanity, wasting, and even death.

Self-pleasuring, a typical advice manual stated, leaves “the nerves wasted and depleted … the entire nervous system will eventually become shattered and ruined beyond all hope of complete recovery.”

Girls could be affected, too, though to a lesser degree. “Girls who have followed masturbating habits … show usually strong indications of it in the failure of their glandular development,” an advice manual stated. “Such persons are apt to be flat-breasted, or, as we term it, flat-chested."

Joy on the job
When mechanical sewing machines arrived, a few lucky women using a model with two foot pedals found that by rubbing their thighs together, they could reach orgasm, which could certainly make working in a garment factory a little more fun, but it also posed a danger. “Doctors thought all sewing machines were bad for women,” Maines explained. “They thought the women would turn into lesbians.”

Some of the advice was an attempt to apply science to what had been largely superstition or religious stricture. But science often fell flat.

In 1897, for example, German physician Wilhelm Fliess published a treatise called “The Relations Between the Nose and the Female Sexual Organs from the Aspect of Biology.” In it, Fliess expanded on an idea he’d been developing for some time, the “nasogenital reflex.”

Perhaps with the bias of his field — he was what we would now call an ear, nose and throat specialist — Fliess argued that the nose was intimately connected to our genitals and that problems with one could manifest as problems in the other. He identified a region inside the nasal cavity, a bony projection called the nasal inferior turbinate, as being especially influential.

He described a set of symptoms like headaches, aches and pains, breathing difficulties, disordered mood and difficult menstruation in women matching the 28-day female cycle (men had a 23-day cycle, he said), and argued that these symptoms often began in the nose. The result could be a full-on neurosis.

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Fliess and his friend Sigmund Freud decided that one could treat the neurosis by huffing cocaine. Freud did so and it seemed to work. Voila! You could treat a genital problem — and the mental illness those problems create — by treating the nose. So Freud had Fliess operate on a woman named Emma Eckstein. Fliess removed Emma’s turbinate bone, but left a wad of gauze behind which created an infection. When the gauze was finally removed, she nearly bled to death. The episode left her disfigured for life.

Haller cautions against what he calls “presentism” when we look at such wrongheaded episodes. For example, while much of the Victorian era advice was laughably wrong, it was also progressive. An admonition that women should deny their husbands sex for up to eighteen months after the birth of a child was really a way for women to gain control of their own bodies.

We shouldn’t be too smug about our modern sexual sophistication, he said. Medical science may be getting better at figuring out what makes us tick, but it’s safe to say that some of the dogma we think is true now will later turn out to be false.

Brian Alexander is the author of the book “America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction," now in paperback.
© 2009 msnbc.com

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Seriously, for once, I don't even know where to start.......................