This is how NY does football...

This is the Bills/Colts game from yesterday.
The Colts aren't use to this sort of thing...
They were hilarious when they were interviewed.



You can't see ANY of the lines.
...and still...70,000 lunatics showed up to watch.
I was not one of them.
Nor would I be...

Not that I can even get out of my driveway at the moment.
My son, some random guy and his kid shoveled my driveway three times yesterday.

Looking out the kitchen window, it looks like another foot of snow fell.
AND IT'S STILL SNOWING!

According to this:
www.WHEC.com - Snowstorm blankets area
It looks like just under 3' of snow fell in total.
AND IT'S STILL SNOWING!

My poor daughter...
The bus was 15 minutes late.
It's 14 degrees out.
And yes, this is NY, of course she has school.

Her girlfriend's house is across the street from the bus stop. My kids have LONG AGO given up bothering to check if school is ever going to be closed in winter. The boy graduated, but the girl doesn't even get her hopes up enough to turn on the tv to hear the news.

So I get this phone call from her asking me to check if school is closed. We both know it won't be, but she asks me to check anyway because the bus is 15 minutes late.

While we're on the phone, the bus passes her friend's house; which they, of course, miss. All she could do was laugh.

She's safe and sound in her Physics class right now - thawing.
New York.
Gotta love it.

Man...

Ever have a week go by and every one of those days you stare at your keyboard and think, "I have a million things to write about and not one of them should ever be put into print, let alone be said out loud or in public!"

I can't even say that anything really out of the ordinary has happened either. The mind has just been in over-drive lately - maybe, rampaging is a better word for it.

Rampage is certainly a better word for it than, "certifiable" or "needs sedation"...I'm just saying...

I'm filled with social problems and their solutions, long term outcomes of social issues, screw ups in history, personal crossroads, reanalyzing theories, etc, etc.

As if that wasn't enough, this morning Grant and I had a lengthy discussion about quantum physics that easily could have resulted in a mental fist fight.

Grant called me over to watch this on his monitor:


Let me just say this...

Sometimes literal people shouldn't talk to outside of the box thinking people that love to deal with space and time and stuff you can't see or hold.

There is a natural tendency for those of us that are too literal for our own good, perhaps - to want to find some practical application to whatever bizarre shit you just came out with that you're taking as gospel.

Me: "If "A" is true, then it could conceivably be a factor in examples "B, C and D" this way (I'll spare you the details.)"
Grant: "No, you're not thinking big enough."
stare
Me: "Okay, then it matters... why?"
Grant: "You're not getting it..."
Me: "I understood everything you just said."
Grant: "Yeah, but you want to use it literally."
Me: "Yes, I do... of course, I do!"

Good Lord...
I don't see what the hell good a theory is if I can't apply it literally. We BOTH know this about me - why on earth would you ever expect anything different.
Did I become someone ELSE over-night when you weren't looking?

Don't get me wrong, I'm ALL for theories.
Give me your theory!
I'll listen!

I might not take it as Gospel, but who cares if I do or not. It's something else to think about and I'm good with that. I'll even throw out whatever practical application I can think of going on the basis that said theory could be etched in stone as fact.

I'm there!

The above, I'm okay with. Got it. My issue is, it goes on the assumption that there are some kind of holes/spaces/openings that exist in our dimension versus the possibility that all these particles are just trapped in a giant box like container.

That's all I was saying!

Grant: "Everything is made up of particles and this new revelation fucks E=mc² and gravity."
Me: "Okay, that's great - except you can count on your particles plummeting out of a tree to the ground if you go up that ladder and then fall. You don't have to see the particles with the naked eye to know what the outcome is going to be - so I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it."

Then this came up:



I said, "That could conceivably explain why twins can be raised separately and in other countries by other families and still have the same idiosyncrasies and know when something is happening to their siblings thousands of miles away" - which I thought was a valid point.

To further that line of thinking, it would explain why we still maintain a sense of tribal togetherness when a world wide crisis takes place.

Building on the surprise that I felt when people all over the world who live in far more horrendous conditions than Americans do, on a regular basis, felt such sorrow over 9/11... I've been trying to reason that out for ages...

Me: "Then you have to allow for figuring out if any of the particles have been diffused over time versus remaining the same or evolving to become stronger."
Grant: "You're not thinking big enough. You're contemplating the little things and not the universe as a whole."

I'm sure I visibly twitched...

Me: "Well, I can SEE people! I can SEE my surroundings! Of course, that's going to be my first thought... have we just MET? It's not like you haven't known me for the last 25 years! And you want me to IGNORE the fact that the universe is made up of ALL THESE TINY LITTLE PARTICLES IN FRONT OF ALL OF US because I'm not thinking BIG enough? There wouldn't even BE a BIGGER PICTURE without those little details."

This is what divides the big thinkers and the people that actually CARE about the details. He is one and I am clearly the other. It really doesn't have to be an argument. You need BOTH sides to figure stuff out.

Throw all the pieces of the puzzle on my desk in any order you want and I'll eventually make a picture out of it. While I'm working on that though, throwing another 6 sets of 10,000 puzzles pieces in the mix is only going to result in me having to sort out what pieces go to which set first.

Then this came up AGAIN. It's brilliant and the series is the easiest way to comprehend the concept. I own the book and I love it. The whole show is worth viewing if you have the time.

That led to us going over what *I* think the limitation is, and that's with our eye-sight. Our eye-sight is our handicap. If we could see with the naked eye these particles, it would change our perception. These particles exist and we know it because we can see them with certain microscopes and were able to track their patterns. The pattern ceased to exist when viewed with the naked eye.

Okay!
Granted!
Then that's our handicap.

And quite frankly, there's no real reason why we can't create contact lenses that allow us to see better than 20/20 if we can make lens for microscopes that can amplify vision down to the kind of level that allows us to SEE tiny particles...please...

Me: "Just like monitors. You see images on the monitor in 72 dpi (dots per inch). We are capable of SEEING more colors than that, but the monitor can't handle it (which is more due to how big the image file would be for downloads too). That makes the handicap the monitor, not your eye-sight.

When you design something print-worthy, you'd use a 600-1200 dpi creation. If you print out something that's 72 dpi, on paper, it will look like a bunch of fully formed dots and a lot of space not filled in. If you print out something that's 1200 dpi, it might look the same as the 72 dpi image on the monitor - but when you print it on paper, it will look as smooth as a photograph (depending, of course, on the paper as well as the printer)."

I thought that was a good comparison!
Which leads back to our eye-sight being the flawed piece.

Grant: "Why do I talk to you..."
Me: "I have no conceivable idea."

We decided we were better off just moving on to a different subject.
laughs

That is, until we were standing in an aisle at the grocery store and he looked at me and said, "The only reason I'm here is because you see me."

That made me laugh.

I want credit for biting the inside of my cheek and not saying, "WTF?! I'D STILL BE HERE WHETHER YOU SAW ME OR NOT!"

half full or half empty?

Am I the only person willing to say out loud how much I abhor that question?

Is the glass half full or half empty?
It's neither and both... and more specifically, it's simply AT HALF.

At...half...
does the sign language to indicate HALF... just HALF...

50%
1/2
.50
HALF

No more, no less.

As you can tell, I have an unnatural hatred for that question (to add along side of the word, "tushie" that I'm so freakin' fond of as well). It's not an outlook question to me. You won't find me to be an optimist or a pessimist over it. It's MATH.

What does it make you when your answer is always, "IT'S JUST HALF! STOP ASKING ME THAT STUPID QUESTION ALREADY!"

The best label I could come up with is... annoyed and potentially violent.

bang

My washer and dryer is located on the first floor, off the living room. The room has a sink, toilet, shower stall and a spot next to the shower stall of equal width and depth for an up and down washer and dryer. On the opposite side of the shower stall is a cubby hole where I have some shelving and a big ass window with frosted glass on the bottom pane.

I'm not going to go into the fact that we don't have a medicine cabinet there. There USE to be one, but the previous owner decided to take it with them and did a half-assed job of plastering up the wall. You can see the outline of chicken wire.

twitch

I still find that incredibly rude and I'm pretty sure they weren't allowed to take it with them, but whatever. Between the two ugly white globed lights that showcase where the medicine cabinet SHOULD be, there is a big flat mirror to cover up the crappy plastering job. One day I'll figure out what I want to do with the room and take it from there.

Anyway...
We don't have an up and down washer/dryer set and since I just bought our current washer and dryer less than four years ago - we decided to cram it into the space it wasn't built for.

My former husband and I sorted some laundry to do and turned the washing machine on and sat down on the couch to try to decide what movie we were going to watch. We finally got all comfortable and that's when we heard it...

BANG BANG BANG
what in the hell...

This is the lovely sound that the washing machine was making assaulting the dryer.

Then it got louder...

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

I was waiting for it to greet us in the living room.

My ex looked at me.
I whispered, "How much longer could it possibly go on for?"

This is when it decided to kick into turbo charge...

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

Good Lord.

We sat there staring at each other waiting for it to just stop.
It didn't.

He got up to go check on it as I yelled, "WHO THE HELL LET US OWN A HOUSE?! WE CAN'T EVEN OPERATE A WASHING MACHINE!"

Right as he opened the door to the room it became quiet and shut itself off. His response back to me was, "It's fine now".

I said, "BECAUSE IT'S BROKEN!"
it isn't, but it was perfect timing...

Okay...
Maybe you had to be there....

pillow talk

We have a California King bed.
It's 6' x 6'.

Which means that I have all this extra space and Grant is still short two inches of space unless he sleeps diagonally; which I don't ever see happening.

I sleep on my left, he sleeps on his right.
I have to be the closest one to the door.
He likes facing a wall.

I'm the more violent one and if someone breaks in - I'm going to be the first one looking for blood since I'm the Mom and that's how we react if we think our kids are in danger. Aside from that, I don't tend to be the one that sleeps as if I've slipped into a coma.

The way I see it is if someone breaks in, being the female and not straying from our instinctual belief that if that person isn't dead - we're going to have to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulder waiting for them to come back and finish the job - me being closest to the door is the best bet.

If I'm the one that happens to be whacked instead, Grant should be awake enough at that point to complete the killing-of-the-intruder task.

He would be really fucking pissed if someone killed my ass.
He waited 25 years to date me.

As luck would have it, my left side sleeping requirement and the door co-exist nicely together with his habits and the whole wall facing thing.

Win/win.
If we ever rearrange the room, we're both totally screwed and we'll probably have to break-up or go to counseling.

Okay, you've got the general layout now, right?

Now picture four foot of open space between us.
laughs...
This is NECESSARY!

It's been pointed out to me in 4,000 horrendous different ways that I sleep like a wild animal. He's all cocooned in his little straight line and I... am not.

I've heard it all.
These are among my favorite:

"Did a hurricane come through the room when I wasn't looking and just whip through your side of the bed?"

"You're like a bird. I expect to wake up and find sticks and leaves in the bed because you're obviously building a nest..."

"Are you alright? Because it looks like there was a 12 person struggle going on up in here!"

"Really, did you have an imaginary fight in your sleep with a pack of wolves? I can't tell who won."

Meanwhile, if there was enough room between the bed and the wall for him to slide out from underneath the sheet and his pile of blankets and comforter - his side would look like it was never slept in. I always joke that I'm going to get a comforter with a stripe down his side and I guarantee you that that stripe will stay in a single straight line.

I don't know how he does it.

I finally broke him of the BAD HABIT of trying to cover me up while I'm asleep. To do this, he would literally yank out bits of comforter I was laying on. NOT gently either, might I add.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS?!

I understand that gesture is suppose to be very sweet.
I really do.
I do!
Seriously!

Great!
You get credit for the thought.
Now, STOP WAKING ME UP AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

Oh my God.

I understand that you like to be covered to your ears and evenly under every square inch of smooth blanket and all that.

Me?
I could live without a flat sheet - entirely.
They're just a pain in the ass.
You'll find that kicked to the bottom of the bed by morning.

I want my blankets swirled around me like a nest (no comment) and I want one leg sticking out from under my comforter with the rest of it trapped under me. I LIKE IT! I know where everything is! If I get cold, fuck me - eventually my dumb ass will twist into a position where more of me is covered. Whatever.

I'm totally fine with whatever I'm wearing hanging off my shoulder and my pillow squashed in unrecognizable shapes under my head. I'M HAPPY!

I'm FINE.
Don't touch me unless you mean business!

It took a YEAR to make him understand that trying to sort out my disaster area and waking me up, was not a pleasantry to me - it just makes me cranky. For no reason. There is NO benefit.

Then I just lay there wide awake trying to figure out why the hell he insisted on doing that before he left the room and went about his day all happy like.

I lay there and seeth because NOW I'm miserable, cranky, tired and questioning what the hell I did that you're getting even with me for. Stop it!

hiss...

Anyway, for some odd reason, Grant and I share some of the same idiosyncrasies. I don't know why. Maybe it's because we shared the same water supply as kids. I don't know. But for whatever reason, we're both a little retentive about reading before sleeping.

To ME, this means shutting up and reading quietly to myself.
To GRANT, this means announcing to me every little fact he reads about that he finds interesting in the news.

The following is a recreation of the conversation that took place the last time...

Grant: "Hey, listen to this"...
putting my magazine down to look at him...

"Research confirms a theory first put forth in 1973 that magnetic fields drive both the in fall of matter into black holes and the production of light energy created by the process."

Me: Great.
goes back to reading said magazine...

Grant: "A black hole's gravity is enough to draw matter in and keeps it spinning in a stable accretion disk. But before it can take that final plunge, the material must lose some of its rotation speed, called angular momentum."

Me: nods

Grant: "Many people are familiar with the phrase 'bodies at rest tend to stay at rest, and bodies motion tend to stay in motion,'" said study team member Jon Miller, an astronomer at the University of Michigan. "The same thing is true for orbiting bodies — they tend to stay in stable orbits, unless acted upon by a force."

Me: trying to figure out a polite way to say I don't care... I just smiled instead and then went back to reading...

Grant: "If angular momentum from the disk were not dissipated away, gas in the accretion disk would circle the black hole forever in a stable orbit, like the planets around our sun."

Me: I'm not even looking up from my magazine at this point, or responding... he's all into space and I don't know jack about it other than what I've learned from him... I stick firmly to the earth and interest in our bodies of water...

Grant: "Magnetism's role - Using NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the researchers studied GROJ1655-40, a binary system made up of a seven-solar-mass black hole that is stealing gas from the surface of a normal star. The siphoned gas accumulates in an accretion disk around the black hole."

Me: staring at the ceiling... one page, I'm just trying to read ONE PAGE...

Grant: "The spinning gas generates its own magnetic field, and this field powers a "wind" of charged particles blowing away from the black hole."

Me: ...all's fair in love and war, right? So I say back...

"Now they have a birth control ring that you put in and don't have to remove it for three weeks. It offers a full month of pregnancy protection by delivering a continous low dose of hormones. It's called NuvaRing. HEY! Did you know that you can get text messages to your phone from places like babycenter.com that will notify you when you're likely to be most fertile."

silence... I got my tubes tied 15 years ago... this isn't even an issue, but still, it was fun to say out loud...

10 minutes later
he must have forgotten...

Grant: "The wind, which Chandra detected, transfers angular momentum from the inner regions of the disk outward. This slows down some of the spinning gas, allowing it to fall onto the black hole."

Me: "Listen to this question! 'My Guy's condom tends to slip off. Why?" and the response is: Sounds like the condom is too big or too small for his size. While he's thrusting, it either slides away or pops off, explains Mary Jane Minkin, MD, professor of ob-gyn at Yale University School of Medicine. "there's no standard condom size, so have him try different brands and styles until he finds one that stays put," she says. If the rubber tends to come off post ejaculation but before he's pulled out, your guy is likely waiting too long and needs to withdraw his penis sooner. "After orgasm, a guy instantly starts to lose his erection, making the condom loose," adds Dr. Minkin."

more silence
finally...

Grant: "Did you really just read the answer to that question as being, "The condom is too big or too small"?

me being all proud of my profound and insightful reading material... I pipe in with a resounding...
..."Yes!"

deafening silence

Grant: "The magnetic field also causes turbulence and friction to build up within the disk. The friction heats up the gas to millions of degrees, causing it to glow brilliantly in the ultraviolet and X-ray bands."

twitch

Me: "Know what a pale or whitish tongue usually means? Iron deficiency. Shows up more often in vegetarians and vegans, since top sources of iron are red meat, poultry and shellfish"

stare
silence...

Grant: "The researchers believe magnetic fields play an important role in the activities of black holes of all sizes, whether they are stellar-mass ones whose accretion disks are fed by companion stars, or even galaxy-anchoring supermassive monsters whose disks are formed from the stellar winds of multiple stars. The finding should also apply to other objects that have accretion disks, such as neutron stars and white dwards, Miller said."

Me: "Gradasil is the only cervical cancer vaccine that helps prevent against 4 types of HPV; two types that cause 70% of cervical cancer cases and two more types that cause 90% of genital warts cases. It's only for girls between 9 and 26 though. They don't know how long it'll last either."

clearly I was being too quiet...

Grant: "What are you reading NOW?!"
Me: An Astroglide ad.
Grant: ...

Me: "Want to know the names of date rape drugs?"
Grant: "Not really..."
Me: "GHB, Rohypnol and Ketamine"
Grant: ...
Me: "Hey! A G-spot article! I MUST read this. Shhhh..."

it's quiet...
then...

Grant: "We already know that disks around some young stars are driven by [magnetic] processes," Miller told Space.com. "It would not be a major surprise if all accretion disks rely on internal magnetic properties, at least partially."

Me: "Did you know that 1 in 5 people in the United States over the age of 12 are infected with the virus that causes genital herpes? That's like, 45 million people"

Grant: "OKAY! Can we go to sleep now?!"
Me: "Sure"

So, what have we learned from this story...

One...
It's best to read to yourself at night in this house.

and...

Two...
He reads intellectual stuff at bed time.
I apparently read smut.