Charm

"Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves."

- Henri-Frédéric Amiel

"The law, in our case, seems to make the right; and the very reverse ought to be done – the right should make the law."

- Maria Edgeworth

For Life

Don’t do anything at the beginning of a relationship that you’re not willing to do for life. 

If you buy her flowers in the beginning – buy her flowers forever.  You had the right idea and it prompted you to do it because you understood it would make her happy.  You’re already golden.  You’ve already figured out one thing that will make her happy.  Add it to your mental list.
If what makes her happy is that you bring her a cup of coffee in the morning – be prepared to do that for life.  If you’re not prepared to do the things you do at the beginning for life; it’s best to not do them at all.

It’s better to have no expectations than failed ones.


A lot of people make the mistake of going all out at the beginning of a relationship to impress the other person.  They peak from the start.  Peaking from the start leaves no room to advance – it only leads to a certain and steady decline/drop.

This is no good.

This causes people to say things like, “They were so wonderful in the beginning.  They don’t do this, that or the other anymore” – and it causes resentment.  It causes self-doubt.  It causes us to look at you in a different light.  It causes us to think that you’ve lost the interest you had in us initially.

Remember that song, “You don’t bring me flowers anymore?” – they were talking about this very thing.

Pace yourself.

And Men, one of the things you need to keep in mind is that if you make the gradual climb over time versus all the grand gestures initially – you will be less burned out on trying to figure out ways to make her notice you and happy.  You’ll be adored for the continuous progression.

Things are supposed to get better over time – not worse.

So make your life better and pick something that you know you’ll be okay with doing for the entire duration of your relationship without resentment.  These are the building blocks of good years to come.

Originally posted on 11/29/10 at 10:38 am EST

Veteran's Day

November 11th.
That was the day.

The anniversary of THE Armistice.
World War I, 1918.

I did a little bit of research tonight. It's nowhere near complete, nor remotely thorough enough. So, should anyone have anything to add to the topic - much appreciated.

Quite quickly though, I started thinking about how many deaths it took to bring about the origins of Veteran's Day.

During the 1567 days or so that passed until the Armistice was finally signed; somewhere between 8-9 million soldiers were killed, and somewhere around 7 million civilians were killed.
Then I looked up the populations of various countries to try to put those numbers into some sort of perspective in my brain.

There are 233 countries [and dependent territories].

When you break it down, the number of countries that contain less than 17 million people, CURRENTLY, are - MANY. The majority. Matter of fact, to be more specific, there are only approximately 68 countries that house more than 17 million people.

Out of 233.

ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE COUNTRIES [and dependent territories], today, house LESS people than were killed within the four+ years of fighting in WWI.

165!

We rank third in the world - and we are NOWHERE even remotely close to the first two reigning countries in regards to population.

That just blows my mind.

MORE PEOPLE WERE KILLED THAN 165 COUNTRIES EVEN HAVE AS A POPULATION *today* - what do you suppose was the ranking count that many years ago? 180? 200? 230?

I understand that's basically just me repeating myself and not helping to put anything into perspective for anyone else. Let me try it this way...

MORE human beings died than *all* the people that live in each of the following countries, singularly, AS YOU'RE READING THIS:

Belgium, Sweden, Cuba, the Czech Republic, Austria, Israel, Switzerland, the whole of the Netherlands.

Finland, Denmark, Singapore.
The Congo.
Ireland, Lebanon, Hong Kong, Serbia, Cambodia.
 I just named 17 of them.

OUT OF 165.

Quite frankly, you can group a crazy amount of countries together and the combined population could still be LESS.

Okay, and this is the way to put it to those of us in America! Out of our 50 states and D.C., and territories - which states have more people living in them than died in WW1?

Four.
FOUR!

California, Texas, Florida, and New York.

Bye all of: PA, IL, GA, OH, NC, MI. Forget about it, Jersey - with your little 9 million count! Wyoming, you people are literally dead last. You were probably how many were killed the very first day. You all, with your cute little half a million or so people.

Seriously, you guys only have around a half million people? I bet NO ONE complains about parking or traffic there! Are you all on a first-name basis?

That's it.
Also, that's TODAY'S stats.
Not 1918 stats.

We have somewhere around 238 million people in America right now. Know how many we had in 1918?

How many people did you have then, Wyoming - twelve?

That's incredible.
Incredibly sad.
Incredibly overwhelming.
Incredibly demonstrative.

It's a day worthy of taking a minute to give a little thanks and learn a few things.

* Side note:
Argh...

Since I couldn't even leave my own question alone after I brought it up while typing it, I had to go look it up. We had 103 million citizens in America back then.

I freely admit that I gave Wyoming, instantly, zero credit for having ANY people back then. In my head, all people were just passing through. I also want credit for not making any kind of Catholic/birth control comment about population back then -- with our measly, 103 million people versus us now, WITH BIRTH CONTROL.

I'm uncertain how to make up for my personal side comments other than to try to distract you by saying, "HEY, I found a 100-year-old poem about this!"
/true story, actually

The Armistice:

SILENCE FALLS
The echoes die, the smoke-clouds thin and pass,
The cannons are, like statues, dumb and cold:
Silent the crosses wait, and in the grass
The spent shells gleam like gold.

All spent he lay and dreamed till the moment came:
Now, waking with a cry, he looks, all wonder
To see the empty sky hurl down no flame:
To hear no crack of thunder.
- Henry Weston Pryce, 11 November 1918.

Who I believe was from South Wales, don't crucify me if I have that wrong - I have about 487 windows open on my computer.**No Wyomingites were injured in the making of this post.

Fast cars, fast boats, and fast conversations...

Want to know what freedom is?

It's spending days on end in a Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder with the top down; hair whipping around my face.
It's open roads and fast turns. 

It's being perched, high up on a platform, overlooking Lake Ontario at night.
It's having the sunsets so close to your presence that they seem just barely out of arms reach.

It's being on Irondequoit Bay in a boat and cutting through waves at an accelerated rate.
It's racing through the vastness that is Lake Ontario.

It's hanging onto a windshield and sidebar to be able to balance standing up.
It's speed.

It's being invited to steer and going so fast that water is spitting up over the window.
It's hearing the words repeated, "You know you can slow down, right?" - and being able to simply say, "I don't want to!"

It's plowing through wave after wave and winding up in Charlotte by the pier. There is something incomparable about being on a 25' vessel that rears up and smashes down in such quick succession that it feels like a violation.
It's power.

Power, Speed, and Freedom.

It's loud music, and the sun going down, and tumultuous waters.  It's coasting for a half hour out where no other boats or people are.  It's drifting aimlessly while taking in each and every plunge intimately. Each jolt.  Every dip.

It's nature's violence.
It's nature at its finest.

It's that roller coaster feeling in the pit of your stomach.
It's like sex.

I recommend it.

Beautiful...

This is such a great rendition.
Completely impressive.
I've listened to it a thousand times if I've listened to it once.

Rewrite History

Sometimes jealousy can crop up when you’re with someone.  It’s an unfortunate part of human nature.  There is a way you can process it without it consuming you though: 

Rewrite History.

If you can not properly put someone else’s past into perspective – take on a new way of viewing it:

Rewrite History.

  

Whatever the person you’re with did before you, it will never be the same as when they do it with you.  That counts for a lot. 

People gather favorite places, favorite activities, favorite ways of doing things.  That’s normal.  Don’t make them give it up.  Instead, became a part of it. 

Just because your significant other went to some restaurant with their ex for years on end doesn’t really mean anything if you keep in mind that whatever they experienced during that time – isn’t the same as what they will experience with you.

You are the present.
The ex is the past.

It is not uncommon for one party to refuse to go to a destination just because their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse was there before with someone else.

It doesn’t matter.
They haven’t been there with you.

The conversation won’t be the same.  The reactions won’t be the same.  The overall atmosphere won’t be the same.  The chemistry won’t be the same.  It can’t possibly be – they haven’t been there with you yet. 

You have a slate to rewrite upon.  Use it wisely. Make a new memory and make it yours and make it the best it’s ever been.

Rewrite History.

Don’t look at it as competing with the past.  Look at it as creating something new and replacing history. 

Do not let jealousy get in the way of building memories. 

You both like dancing and the best place to dance close by is somewhere he used to take his ex, so what?  Go.  Go, anyway.  Go and dress your best and be your delightful self. 

Take ownership of the experience.

Think about it.  If you go begrudgingly and you sulk the whole night and your mind is filled with all the possibilities of what they did before you were there with him – it will show.

When it does, you’ve just ensured that his fondest memory of that particular place — won’t be of the time he was there with you.  You’ve just sealed his ex as being a better time there than you were. 

You don’t want that now, do you?
No, you don’t.

It’s a little like repainting a wall.  Sure, the walls were a nice color before.  They always look better freshly painted over though, don’t they?  Even if it’s just a shade different; it’s still new and fresh and bright and nicer.  It’s what’s in the here and now.

Repaint. Rewrite. Replace. Reprogram.
Make it yours.

Men, if she tells you that her favorite place to vacation is the Poconos Mountains and she’s been there with her ex – again, it doesn’t matter. 

She wasn’t there with you.  Don’t even bring up her previous experience there.  It doesn’t matter.  She’s with you now and you’re clearly the better man, correct?  A better man knows he doesn’t have to compete with someone she’s no longer with. You’re there of your own merits, so it can only be a better experience with you, right?

You be your charming, chivalrous self.  So much so that you will eventually become the man that she wishes she had been there with each and every time when she thinks back on what a good time you had together. 

Be the man that makes all her other times pale in comparison next to being there with you.  You can do that!

Rewrite History.

You’ve just been presented with a golden opportunity.  Be an opportunist!  Use it for everything it’s worth! 

See how there’s no reason to be jealous of anything if you look at it this way?  Of course they haven’t had the best time somewhere.  They couldn’t possibly have – because they haven’t been there with you yet.

You’re the new paint – color their world vividly and be what stands out the most in their mind.  You are, without question, perfectly capable of doing that. 

Once you get the hang of that way of looking at things; you’ll realize that the only person you’ll ever have to out-do is yourself – and there is zero reason to ever be jealous of yourself.