Dear Village Resident,
The "White Christmas in the Village" is right around the corner. The event takes place on Saturday, December 5th from 3-9pm. Your house will be on the Horse Drawn Wagon route and we are looking to show some Holiday Spirit in the Village. There will be a lighting contest held this year for those residents along the wagon route.
We would also love to have a small house tour consisting of 5 houses for people to tour the first floor areas decorated with your holiday ideas. If you would be interested in having your home on the house tour, please contact me by November 5th. Thanks!
Sonofabitch-
I hate you, you little Norman Rockwell village chairpeople bastards!
WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME?!
Christmas is THE only holiday that I care about. It's just the girl and I in the house though and I'm NOT getting up on a ladder.
I'm NOT doing it.
I'm NOT.
Do you hear me?!
I'm NOT.
Oh my God...
I went through this the first Christmas I was in this house. I got the notice about the contest and I threw it out. My then husband just rolled his eyes.
"I'm NOT doing it. I'm not getting sucked in!"
more eyerolling...
"I'M NOT!"
We won first place.
It was announced at the festival and on the radio and we got a sign and wine and some other stuff in a care basket for being the best house in the village.
I've since avoided entering because, well, I already did that and won and there's nowhere to go from there. Been there, done that.
There wasn't a Horse Drawn Wagon involved though!
Kill me...
I just want to write back:
Dear Evil Chairperson,
I hate you. Stop sending me notices and trying to suck me into your evil ways. I'm not doing it and you can't tempt me with a horse drawn carriage and having people see my home.
Seriously, I hate your guts. I resigned myself to not doing ANYTHING to the outside this year - so why are you torturing me?! There are 100 other streets you can ride down. STAY AWAY FROM MINE! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!
I can't do it. I'm not dying on a ladder or getting electrocuted because you feel like you can toy with my emotions. Again, in case you missed it the first two times - I officially hate you.
Signed,
NOT DOING IT
Why.................................................
fuck
I'm NOT doing it!
The best thing to do is to say that you would love to be in the contest and then go out and buy a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Set up tree, watch it droop and then make copious amounts of eggnog. Do no other work save for making sure that you have a Santa hat and a large bottle of dark rum.
ReplyDeleteI know that this likely goes against your Catholic beliefs, but since you're not above correcting a priest regarding acceptable wedding vows, I'll throw it out.
ReplyDelete"decorated with your holiday ideas"
Yours. Not theirs.
Do you not see the opportunities - most importantly, the opportunity to fuck with people? (I'm getting all excited just typing this.)
I'd go completely Pagan. If you play it right, you'll never be solicited for anything community related again. Just like our laundry conversation the other day. "You don't like the way I do it? It's all yours."
You could TOTALLY pull of the Pagan thing. I'll even make sure I'm the carriage. We can bust out into some ritual right in the middle of the tour.
This could be the best Christmas EVER!
...............
ReplyDeleteOMG I am speechless, yes it is partly because I am imagining the things you and Poptatari might come up with. The other I have no clue.
I've re-read this a dozen times and I'm not sure if I want to: laugh, cry, have you guys committed or solicit all of you.
ReplyDelete"This could be the best Christmas EVER!"
lol...
I read that as... "This could be the Best. Christmas. Ever!
I corrected a Judge about wedding vows.
ReplyDeleteI just merely wouldn't lie to the Priest.
And of course you see the opportunity! Because it's my house and not yours!
laughs
And if things were in reverse, I'd be all over it just like you are!
There's no way... that's a one way ticket to hell... I didn't get the one way ticket because I didn't lie to the Priest, that's WHY I didn't get the ticket.
Oh my God.
Inevitably some jackass (my money is on J.D.) will write in here the Baby Jesus story from a few years ago - and I'm telling you, it's NOT THE SAME.
You guys had to put all of that in my head, didn't you...
"And of course you see the opportunity! Because it's my house and not yours!"
ReplyDeleteA few differences:
- I have the SO to deal with. Sadly, she'd never play along.
- My kids are just a bit too young for that. Don't want to scar them that early.
- There are horses about 1/2 mile behind me, so that's nothing different.
And the most important:
*I* didn't choose to live where life is worth living.
Hhahahhahah~~ wow~~ RazorsandVines you never cease to amaze me with your kiljoy views on "normal human happy frivolousness" hahahahahha...
ReplyDeleteChristie-
ReplyDeleteIt's a gift!
Yeayyyy, you're back!
It's also a crock. I'll probably get sucked right into it because I sort of live for this sort of thing.
Hmmmm....there are endless possibilities. Maybe do a Hanukkah theme? I have some menorah window cut outs I can send you.
ReplyDelete