Running out of time

Poptatari is involved with a Secret Santa project this year and he's writing about it over on his online journal.  You should go read it because it's funny.  Ponti Mython wrote about KFC and seriously, it needed to be said!  J.D. also wrote about having to use his "outside" voice and to be honest, I nearly would have paid to be there...because I know what that voice sounds like.

Aside from that, apparently I need to confess.

My confession is that I hate getting the mail, so, I don't - until I get the sense that the mail woman is going to start pounding on my side door again to see if I still have a pulse (true story and it's happened more than once).

Actually, now that I write that - it makes me question exactly who needs to change in this scenario.
What's the saying?

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over 

and expecting different results." 

- Ben Franklin, I think.

Ben Franklin and I share a birthday too - you know, the founder of values and marriage. Author, scientist, diplomat, first to figure out how to use electricity to kill someone, created the first public library, civic activist, started the first fire department - my guess is because the electricity thing got out of hand one day, satirist, abolitionist and there is some question about him being responsible for Daylight Savings Time.

Basically all good things and necessary - none of them really profitable...laughs...and all things that effect all of us TO THIS DAY...

Daylight Savings Time...if there is any truth to that, I guarantee you that it has nothing to do with crops and it was all about him proving that TIME works for him and he can bend it to his will if he wants to...because that's what Capricorns do... and why one of the dumbest things you can ever say to a Capricorn is: "You're running out of time." 

Oh, shut up.
We NEVER run out of time!
Oh my God...
We WISH we were fucking running out of time.
Please...

Matter of fact, I'm POSITIVE some other founding father was pissing Ben Franklin off and made the comment, "You're not going to have enough time for that, Ben!  You dickhead!  HURRY UP!  But, you know, no pressure." - and Ben visibly twitched, stared up at the ceiling for a minute before looking back at the comment maker with that dead eyed piercing stare thing we do that makes everyone uncomfortable at will and said, "Really?  Say it again and see what happens..."

Whomever he was talking to was CLEARLY a fire sign and we all know that they basically have to be muzzled, their hands wrapped in duct tape or shot in the head before they can hold their tongues when given a scenario like that - next thing you know - BAM!  DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME! - to which Ben would simply say, "What did I say?  Repeat it back to me... Did I NOT tell you that I'd have the time? Matter of fact, I just created an entire HOUR for EVERYONE - now go spend your hour not trying to piss me off."

Not that it even matters because said person would be amazed for about 2 seconds and then promptly forget that the act even took place.

We will all even die a slow, painful death just to fucking drag it out some more so it gives us time to think and make sure we've said everything we want to say before finally going, "Fuck it.  FINALLY!  It's been a trip!  Hope to never be here again!"  - and then:  Unceremoniously...Dead.

Here's the bitch too!

We won't die in any exciting way either.  We're the types that wind up face down in a pool of our own blood in some dark back alley after drinking ourselves into oblivion - like Edgar Allen Poe.  Or of some stupid heart attack (like Elvis) from running at a high stress level for so fucking long we don't even know what a lesser level even looks like by the time we're 104.

It won't even be from the medical reasons that have caused us pain for 50 years either!  That's just a stupid annoyance in our world - it won't be what kills us.  Phhf.  We're built to suffer, really.  It's not fun.  It just is.  We'll live to 104 - and as compensation, have three pain free days out of it...laughs

Our sense of duty keeps us alive, "Sorry, can't be bothered with a stroke - got stuff to do still, it will have to take a number and wait its turn like everything else.  Don't worry, there's time for you to inflict some more suffering in our world!"

So really, don't bother saying to us that we're running out of time FOR ANYTHING.  Whatever the fuck it is, there WILL be time to do it in - maybe not on YOUR time table, but honestly - we don't really care about your time table, just ours....BECAUSE WE KNOW WE'LL OUTLIVE YOU ANYWAY!  laughs...

This is the part that will make Erin laugh.  She's fire, I'm earth - one day we talked about how a meeting would go if it was run solely by either group.

The fire signs would all be about resenting having to be there and irritated that everyone was late and not sitting down and paying attention (most likely an Aries).  New ideas would be flying!  All sorts of thinking outside of the box!  The excitment level would be a 10 on the richter scale.  Everyone yelling to be heard over each other until it lead to a fist fight (most likely by a Leo), someone will inevitably propose fucking on the conference table (most likely a Sagittarius) - nearly all of them leaving early while proclaiming they hate people, nothing really getting done and certainly nothing documented because no one had any time to bother to write anything down because they're all too busy. Hence all 8,000 new ideas lost until the next meeting.

Meeting expected duration: 1 hour
Actual meeting time once someone started the meeting til the time they all leave: 4 minutes, 20 seconds

The earth signs would all be about carefully taking out a handcrafted old leather bound book with the dark red fabric bookmark (made by and entrusted to a Capricorn), scanning the minutes from 300 years ago that are all still in effect (each detail captured via a Virgo) and going, "Everything looks good - wouldn't change a thing.  Coffee, anyone?" (coffee made by the host Taurus) - all proper and serious and IRS-like.

Meeting expected duration: 2 hours
Actual meeting time once someone started the meeting til the time they all leave: 2 hours

...and if a fire sign poked their head in during our coffee and suggested that we all do something radical like maybe use blue ink in the book instead of black - we'd stone that person to death after the horror that stunned us from such a suggestion washed over us.

DON'T FIX WHAT'S NOT BROKEN!
Oh my God...

Know what the point of all that originally was? 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over 

and expecting different results."

I said that because I was contemplating if it was the mail woman or myself that should heed that advice.  Either I should get the mail sooner or she should just assume I'm not dead all the time.  SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!

Eh.  Doesn't really matter, I suppose.
Worse comes to worse, I'll just outlive her.

The other original point is:  Poptatari, I got the DVD of "Over the Hedge" that you put in my mailbox.
Yes, all that to get to that!

This is the second time you've dropped off stuff in my mailbox and I want you to know that - you are, in fact, allowed in my house.  It's 100 years old though, as you know, and so is the doorbell and that's why it doesn't work and I couldn't take the wireless one going off randomly so the batteries from it are being used for God knows what of the kids.  Just knock - or text, or call... or if you don't want to see my face, just use the mailbox.
laughs

I'm waiting for the girl to come home so I can force her to watch it with me.

This is the other thing that struck me as funny the other day.  Poptatari and I were randomly texting back and forth and to ANYONE ELSE with ANY kind of sense of humor at all - each text would have been met with a laughter response.

Not between us though.

I don't think we did more than one or two "/laugh" replies - combined.
Instead, we just sent something else back at the other person.

Up to and including me sending him a picture of Roadkill* trying to smother me in my sleep and him sending back a video of how he's taught his lunatic can to attack on command.

That's - just - funny.

Capricorns should never bother trying to make other Capricorns laugh.
It's work.

Oh my God though - when we can get the other person to laugh out loud?  That's GOLD.  It's a really, really, deep genuine laugh versus the "of course that's funny" response we usually give each other.

After saying that, I'm going to tell you what Poptatari said to me that still makes me laugh every time I think about it...

We were sitting on my couch last month and we were talking about why some Mom's should not pick out clothes for their young sons.  He said, "Look, I'm a guy.  I know what's going to get my kid beat on a regular basis at school.  It's valuable information.  When I saw my kid in one particular outfit I had to say to my wife, "Why don't you just put a Jonas Brothers  backpack on the kid and let the ass kickings begin..." - it didn't go over well."

Delivery is everything.
He said it so dead serious all I could do is laugh.
And quite frankly, that's STILL hilarious.

Come to find out, Poptatari has worked with my cousin for over a decade or so too.
Small world.

Maybe on the way home from court on Thursday, I'll stop in and see both of them.
It's right on the way.

Oh!
I discovered a new song!

How is it that I never paid attention to the lyrics of this song before?
I...love...it!
and no, I don't find it evil - I find it factual

"Harder To Breathe"

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I am walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Maroon 5 - Harder ...

Grant is a Redskin's fan.  My daughter is a Dallas fan.  He just sent me a text because he was going to be aired on the radio over the Redskin game loss today.  So, that was cool.  I'm sure my daughter will feel it necessary to rub the loss in at some point.  That's what they do to each other.  I stay out of it.

Now, if only the girl would hurry up and get home so I can pretend that watching this other DreamWorks animation movie has anything to do with her...